It’s Friday, which of course means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.
Update: Winners announced. Comments now closed.
Weekend Caption Contest™
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Kevin
Kevin founded Wizbang in 2003. He still contributes occasionally and handles all the technical and design work for the site.
“Bet you’re wondering how I knew
about your plans to make me BLUE!
With some girl you knew before…
But that’s what prenupts are for!
Oh yeah, I heard it through the grapevine,
After ‘lection day you’d no longer be mine!
Ooooh Yeah, I heard it throught the grapevine,
of your PLAN; you filthy swine….”
As a matter of fact, I have been eating raisins today, so just shove it scumbag!
“The power of rum-soaked raisins compels you!”
. . . . .
I was going to write something, but realized that nothing any of us could invent can match the things she really says.
Anticipation, anticipa-aaa-tion
Is making me crazed
Is keeping me hating…
I don’t have a quippy caption, but that microphone looks like John Kerry from behind!
Damn. That should have been “gin-soaked raisins compels….”
“In my earlier days as an African-American, when I was about this tall….”
I do not understand what that is…. what is this moonbat you are talking about?
I figured hey, if looking like a bag lady got me out of jury duty, maybe it would work with this first lady crap too.
“See, even after 9 booze soaked grapes my hand stops trembling and I speak fluent French…uh, I mean English.”
“…. with a dick this big, people.”
“I once ate a golden raisin…THIS…BIG…!
THEN I drank a glass of gin.
Ever since then, my hand’s been frozen in this position, which is what John calls the “love bug” grip.
Which reminds me of Africa. When I was a young girl, growing up in Africa, I always knew that one day I would…have I ever told you that I was born in Africa?”
This is how I fellate Johnny… I grasp his mighty unit and lick the …
“T is for Teetering.
“E is for Empire.
“R is for RecallRecall.
“E is for Another Empire.
“Z is for the Zebras in Africa that I should tell you about a little bit later, something in the next four hours…
“A is for Africa.”
Tomorrow I will tell you about…”
I was born a poor black child…
“You pedestrian yokels are not worthy of me or my Johnny Cakes. You bore me to tears! Do you hear me? This campaign bores me to tears! I am tired to death of asking for votes from people who are not fit to clean my pool. The last thing I want is to be First Lady to a bunch of Wal Mart shopping, football watching, psalm-singing hillbillies”… “Uh, did I say that outloud”?
Teresa Heinz Kerry, trying to cover Edwards Steps, explained to the the heinz labor union the method to on how they can make ketchup into an elixer that cures all types of nural damage.
“And this is how I will lay hands on Chris Reeve…what do you mean he died?”
“Undt dis is my schpout”
In a shocking campaign twist, Theodore Anaconda, lower left corner, begins to swallow Teresa Heinz Kerry whole. As Anaconda explained later, “Sorrrryyyy everyone. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Vell, I umped about dis high off da floor . . . I mean I haven’t been goosed like dat since the Clinton Administwation. And dat’s the last indaview I will evah give Bill O’Wiley!
At the Washington Senators season opener, rock legend Mick Jagger sings the Star Spangled Banner.
TAKE NOTE PANTYHEADS…jmaster,with his unique creativity is crushing you ! (and even me).
I hope the judges take the panties off their own heads for once.
Elephants! Pink, this tall…. and and… They kept coming and coming and coming.
Even though I have to be back at the Betty Ford clinic in a few hours…
JAB:Thanks for the laugh.
And thanks that we are starting to get some entrants who are not infected with Lame Disease.
You need a bottle of gin about thiiiiiis high and 52 and 1/2 marshmallows, or was it raisins. Anyway, soak em in the gin and your warts will go away when you tape the gin soaked marshmallows to your hiney!
🙂
Drunk blogging the debates? Hold it there scumbags, I do it live.
“John Kerry will make the U.S. repected again!”
“When France takes a crap on America, my husband will be there to thank them and wipe their asses clean!” shouted Mrs. Kerry to thunderous applause from Democrats. “And if necessary, he will use… his… tongue!!”
(Hey, she did say she was a little kinky)
around me JOHN is only this tall!!!
Yes, little Johnny Edwards would make a nice boy toy, but I can’t deal with that plus-sized wench he is married to – maybe after dickweed looses the election I can promise little Johnny that if he puts on his kneepads, I will fund his primary run in 08.
Has Dustin Hoffman gotten UGLY since he did tootsie or what?
This is the worst case of severe appearance deficit we have seen to date.
Send your money. Just 29 cents a week will buy this person a paper bag and save us all some grief!
Dateline 2010 — The eccentric aristocrat, Teresa Heinz Kerry, begins her curious striptease act at the Las Vegas Hilton.
You are getting sleepy…very sleepy…when I snap my fingers and each of you low life peasants will go out and buy 2 bottles Heinz’s high margin new Green Ketchup.
About this much gin and a handful of raisins….
“Hey! …*hic*… You! In the serving jacket. I asked …*hic*… for a martini. Now get me my martini before I …*hic*… have you executed, you peasant. You’re probably one of the gays, aren’t you? …*hic*… “
To Russ:
If gin and rum can’t be distinguished, maybe it is time to stop drinking anything. 🙂
Hopefully this works. I am a Mac person using a Windows’ laptop. I know that the post is not much, but I am now wondering if I can even make it work! 🙂
“First Frump”
Then John’s mama tells him, ‘Integrity, integrity, integrity.’ And I’ll be damned if we know what she was talking about…
Raisins, schmasins – I just downed a bottle of Maddog 20/20 and had a gin chaser. Does the same thing as the damn raisins but you don’t have to wait. See no arthritis, just shakes – but I can’t feel those either.
“Yes,I will tell you why my John is a great debater.Right before he goes on stage,I say John smell these fingers..remember the aroma..this is what will be waiting for you if you do good…I am a great believer in Aromatherapy…plus, he just loves fish.”
“As you know, John is 6’4″ tall. Well, I tell you, he felt THIS tall when I was done reaming him for bragging about marrying up and THEN going on and on about his dead mother the other night.”
You fukkin plebians better elect John president or I will send another 53,000 Heinz jobs overseas
“And so I patted my little Johnny on the head and told him; don’t cry Johnny I’ll give you the money to buy the White House.”
You met me… What will I tell my friends?
And then this white-trash Kansas famhouse comes spiralling down out of the sky and crushes my sister. My sister! Those Muchkins were lucky I wasn’t there to get her ruby slippers.
BlooDog:You are supposed to eat the raisins not chug the gin…sober up!
“A WHITE RAISON SOAKED IN GIN”
damn, I ment RAISIN