It’s Friday, which of course means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™.
Update: Winners announced. Comments now closed.
Weekend Caption Contest™
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Kevin
Kevin founded Wizbang in 2003. He still contributes occasionally and handles all the technical and design work for the site.
In the name of Christopher Reeve, *ARISE*!
(Except you litle people. God, I’m tired of this shit….)
“The stack of money to pay your taxes is going to need to be about this high.”
“I
“Mrs Kerry! Can you ell us how the senator performs in bed?”
I should have used a stack of hairspray cans this tall.
An zen you… uh… *hic* eet zee rasins zat you soaked in gin and uh… what was I saying?
“Living in a material world, And I am a material girl.”
So, you put the raisins, white raisins, in about a liter of gin, and then you throw the f***in’ raisins out, drink the gin, all of it, washing down an elephant tranquilizer, and, bob’s your uncle, no more arthritis pain! I just did the very thing before coming out on stage, and boy do I feel good. What was I saying again?
“SHOVE IT! YOU SCUMBAG IDIOT”,and how did my monogrammed panties wind up on YOUR HEAD?
Oh my God, I think I ate too many white raisins…
I THINK SHE A DEFINITE CANDIDATE FOR EXTREME MAKEOVER…………IS THIS THE KIND OF 1ST LADY WE REALLY WANT TO LOOK AT EVERY DAY………..BABARA BUSH COULD HER A FEW POINTERS ON WHAT TO DO WHEN U WAKE UP IN THE MORNING STARTING WITH A NICE SHOWER.
I am so over.
It is I, Strong Woman. Make that Strong, Rich Woman.
I’m going to give John an allowance just as soon as
he’s old enough.
Coming soon to a theatre near you – Austin Powers Incognito.
Dustin Hoffman attempts to reprise his award winning role.
Man or Woman – only the bravest will ever know.
– I’ve been trying to screw a Republican since I was thisssss tall –
– All you little people in the front row move back….I just put fresh batteries in this French mike –
– Sooooo all you scumbags keep sayng my John boy does every position….Why the hell do you think I married him you idiots –
“Christopher Reeves died so he didn’t have to get drafted under a second Bush Administration. Too bad, because my husband has a plan that would have cured him.”
Actually, I have been told I look a little like Michael Jackson….perhaps thats because we’re both black…or at least he was once….
Proving conclusively that she will be a change of pace from Laura Bush, Ms. Heinz-Kerry championed her new look, “Rode Hard and Put Up Wet!”
Zig Heil! Zig Heil!
This getting up at 11:00am is cutting down on my detoxification time !
So, when my Johnny couldn’t think of anything nice to say about me to Schaffer at the debate Wednesday, I bitch slapped his ass, attached the dog collar to his feeble neck and put my strap-on to him….
No, but thanks for asking. I do get mistaken for Andrew Sullivan quite a bit actually…..
“You doubt the raisins? Look at my hand … solid like a rock.”
Those Bush girls really do have nice legs.
Look at how steady my hand is after having my raisins and gin. I’m invincible!
“Oh God, my hand is bluring again. Johnny!! Johnny!!! Get me my damn raisins!!!”
Well, I can’t release my tax returns to the public; the stack is this tall according to my accountant…..
Fat guy near my elbow makes me happy
Fat guy voting Bush would make me cry
Fat guy near my elbow looks so homely
Fat guy inheritances always makes me high
If I had a tax that I could tax you
I
Just take nine Gin soaked raisins and call me in the morning.
Then John tried to kiss me so I pushed his head down like this.
And this shaky hand is the one I use to brush my hair.
“And if you elect my husband as President, people like Mary Cheney will become straight.”
Ladiesh and zhentlemen – urrrp
Mr. Michel Moore.
All the people on this side of the room look like they make about $40k.
“This song is for all you peasants and peons out there who think my second hubby will make a fine Prime Minister; HIT IT JOE:
[SINGING]
Allons enfants de la Patrie
Le jour de gloire est arriv
“Yes Heinz Ketchup IS thick and rich…The easiest way to get it out,is to give a sharp smack on the “bottom” like this”…”It works every time…Just ask John.”
… and then, we had this cute lil houseboy growing up on that plantation… he couldn’t have been more than 10 or 11, but he made me an African that day long ago….
People always tease John that he is so tall and they say “I didn’t know you could stack sh** that high”. Acutally, he is only this much sh** and the rest hot air. But at least he has a plan!!
You put the raisins in the Tanqueray and call me in the mo-o-o-orning
Look, if you elect John, I swear we’ll bring back intern sex to the White House…. I promised John he could….
You know, I didn’t know that nice Michael J Fox was only this tall either… but Johnny says Edwards will cure him if we’re elected. Might even help that Muhammed Ali fella too…. it’s in the plan.
“I am not an alcoholic or drug addict– see my hand is almost as steady as a rock”
“Sorry John, I just can’t carry on the charade anymore. Yes, I am Frank J’s love monkey.”
‘No, my husband is not some washed up, fat, drunken, incoherent, has been politician. That would be the other Senator from Massachusetts.”
“…And if you don’t believe me you can check the facts at fatchicks.com, no wait a minute, that’s fatchicks.org. …Sorry, nothing personal, Mrs. Edwards.”
I don’t know why Lynne Cheney is ashamed of her daughter Mary, who is a lesbian. My children are not ashamed of me…..
Aren’t I rich?
Do you like my hair?
Me up here where I belong,
You way out there.
Send in the clown.
Isn’t it bliss?
Don’t you approve?
My John keeps spinning around,
But his polls don’t move.
Where is the clown?
Send in the clown.
Just when I’d stopped beating the help,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my horrible hair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.
Don’t you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you’d give me what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where is the clown?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don’t bother, he’s here.
“Let this be a lesson to all of you– never stick your fingers in an electrical outlet!”
During a campaign stop at the Berkeley Home for Burned Out Hippies, Terreza Heinz Kerry tries to recapture the karma of their glory days by leading the patients in song:
The democratic crowd did not realize Teresa had been replaced with a wax figure until the entire bank of lights was turned on and caused her to begin to melt.