The other day at work, one of my colleagues happened to comment on the Muzak channel — it was tuned to the Schlocky 70’s Station. Unfortunately, he approved of that.
He challenged me to name the Schlockiest 70’s Song I could. I did, and he spoke at the exact same time.
The effect was ruined by our naming different songs. I cited “The Pina Colada Song,” while he endorsed “Afternoon Delight.” He then wanted to debate the issue, but I declined — I thought they were both horrific, and prolonged contemplation of either, let alone both, would end with me driving ballpoint pens through my ears.
Shortly thereafter, just to mock me, “The Pina Colada Song” (yes, I know the proper title is “Escape,” but everyone knows it as “The Pina Colada Song,” or more often, “That goddamned Pina Colada Song”) came over the office speakers. My colleague cursed us.
There may soon be an opening at my workplace. Two, if they figure out that I’m the one that killed him.
But in the meantime, what’s your choice for schlockiest 70’s song? The Pina Colada Song? Afternoon Delight? The Night Chicago Died? Muskrat Love?