It’s Friday, which means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. As a tribute to the inability of weathermen everywhere to accurately forecast the weather (especially those predict anywhere from no snow to 10 inches of snow in the same forecast), I offer you a blank slate to create your own forecast, or whatever else you want. I’m picking on WRC’s Bob Ryan, but I’m pretty sure you can imagine your local weathercaster in his place…
If you’re are going to put words in the announcers mouth indicate that, and if you are putting text on the background indicated that as well. Here’s a couple lame examples of how you might enter:
Announcer – “Here’s you forecast for Wednesday which looks just like the Tuesday forcast..”
Text – Night and morning low clouds.or
Text – Warning! The guy on the left is a bigger tool than he appears to be.
I will put the text for winning entries into the picture for the winners announcement. Winners will be announced late Sunday night.
Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.
“As you can tell from the dark cumulus, the hot air has created what we in the business refer to as a ‘shitstorm’ over the capitol…….
As you can see here, the distraction caused by the large phallic symbol to my left has rendered me completely unable to give you a forecast for Tuesday…
The National Weather Service forecasts a 60% chance of tomorrow being Tuesday.
I’m predicting a huge storm of whup-ass to rain down on the next person who snickers about my forecasts being wrong!
“Being that’s Friday I can finally report on what we think happened in last Tuesday’s weather…”
ARRGGHHH, PIMF.
Make that:
“Being that it is Friday I can finally report on what we think happened in last Tuesday’s weather…”
Hey, you’re dissin’ my buddy, Bob! I’ve been watching his forecasts for over 25 years (off and on), and my wife suspects me of having a crush on him.
Mebbe. Mebbe so.
A solid Republican front has moved in over the White House and both houses of Congress, which means that we will shortly be seeing one of those rare cold days in hell.
Announcer: “Holy crap, is that Senator Kennedy’s car in the Tidal Basin?’
The dark clouds gathering over DC are the first tangible evidence of Senator Clinton’s 2008 intentions. Should flying monkeys appear, take shelter immediately.
Stay tuned for further updates.
Announcer: And you won’t want to go outside today, as you can see it is a .. um .. well, I was sure it would be a cold dismal rainy day, um .. hmmm, I wonder what … ummm … Uh Back to you Bob!
Text: Current Conditions: 85 and sunny, not a cloud in site
er…….that should read:
Announcer: “The dark clouds gathering over DC are the first tangible evidence of Senator Clinton’s 2008 intentions. Should flying monkeys appear, take shelter immediately.
Stay tuned for further updates.”
P really IS MF
When the weather rope is swinging it is windy out, when it is wet it must be raining and if theres ice on the old weather sting its cold – damn cold, too damn cold for me to be outside looking at the weather rope. Good night and have a pleasent tomorrow.
Announcer: Looking ahead to next Tuesday, if this is a leap year, the computer predicts frigid temperatures and snow falling throughout the day. Total accumulation of 4-6 inches. If it’s not a leap year, the computer predicts sunshine and a high of 53. Says here the computer hates February….
Text:…Hi, I’m Hal the weather computer…your missile defense system is next…
HIGH: 65 degrees
LOW: 45 degrees
30% chance of Muslims raining 757s on the Pentagon.
“And we can see for Tuesday (clap clap), we can expect highs in the upper 40’s. (clap clap) For Wednesday, high around 45 degrees (clap, clap). From the NBC4 Clapper Weather Center, I’m Enormously Huge. Back to you Chuck.”
“And this is what the Capitol area would look like if I were King Kong humping the Washington Monument. ARGH! AAARRGHHH!! Ooooh, baaaybeeee…”
“Bonk”
(as he turns and runs into the Washington Monument.)
Our forecast indicates only a 20% chance that this caption contest will be judged before next Wednesday.
Announcer: “gnineve sdrawot srewohs derettacs htiw, Alright who put the f–k’n teleprompter up backwards again.”
“My job makes me “harder” than Chinese Arithmetic!”
“We have a 20% chance of rain for your Martin Luther Coon… King Junior Day celebration”
{thinks}Holy shit, did I just accidentally say that! I wasn’t even thinking that…
Other news caster: “And we have a 100% chance of a hate crime in the parking lot when you leave the station.”
Text : Bob’s hair is fake.
Announcer: IS NOT!
Text : Yes it is.
Announcer: IS NOT!
http://wizbangblog.com/archives/004831.php
That was a reference to the Las Vegas Weatherman last month. So the Race police don’t come knocking on my door.
If this is in your forecast, please contact Jessica Cutler or (if out of money) Wonkette.
And although the rest of the region can expect 84 inches of snow, everything inside the capitol beltway is protected by a bubble of political hot air and should experience sunshine and mild temperatures.
Meteorologist: “…and finally for Tuesday, there is a 75% chance of a plague of locusts.” “God has HAD it.”
“If bullshit was white, The Democratic Members of Congress would be Olympic class skiers.”
Text: Drizzle fo’ shizzle
Announcer: “…and we’d like to thank Snoop Dogg for filling in for our missing captions technician tonight…”
Text: 80% chance of saving hundreds on car insurance by switching to GEICO.
Announcer: “And here’s tomorrow’s Sucking Up to Our Sponsors™ forecast…”
“Hello, everybody! Al Sleet, The Hippy-Dippy Weatherman here with ya on a gorgeous evening in our Nation’s Capital!”
“Let’s get right to my predictions…tonight’s forecast…dark!….turning to scattered light towards dawn, with a great chance for full illumination after about seven…”
“That’s it for me, but stay tuned for Biff Barf with the Sportlight Spotlight, right after this!”
“I’ve spotted a huge snow hill…wait a minute, never mind that’s Marion Barry’s place. Ok, stay classy Washington.”
Text: Tuesday: Michael Moore and Al Sharpton have joined forces to block the sun.
“OK, I’ll pretend to be President Clinton – so, look, it was a simple grip on Monica Lewinsky’s head like this just as he unzipped…….what do you say ? the CGI simulation of Lewinsky’s head is malfunctioning…..WHAT ? we’re on air !!”
I watched Bob Ryan’s 5:25 p.m. forecast religiously, for years. Then I left the D.C. area for central Texas, so that I’d never again have to listen to his overblown promises of humongous blizzards about to paralyze the D.C. area. What a letdown it was when D.C. was able to conduct “business as usual.”
Anyway, here’s my entry:
Announcer – There’s a 50-percent chance that Tuesday wil follow Monday and precede Wednesday.
Text – Bob Ryan’s hair color courtesy L’Oreal for Men: “The Gray Goes Away.”
“Not shown in Picture: Ted Kennedy choking on a dinner roll.”
(just testing Schwerv’s law)
– tickertape Text : …Officials at camp cupcake said that the explosion was probably due to one of Martha’s SemTek laced muffins….
– Text on background : “Large pertrubances moving into DC area…Monumental shrinkage expected from this evenings temperature drop”
– Ryan : “…So then do you think maybe I could sort of wrap My jacket around it…. help me here I’m on air in 3 minutes….. damn Viagra….”
Announcer – “Darn, I dropped my magic 8 ball.”
Text – work week will be nice out, but kiss the weekend goodby. What did you do to anger God?
Weatherman: “It is clear that Congress is in session, as indicated by the mass of hot air building up over D.C.”
After four hours, Ted the weatherman dropped over dead, not having sought the requisite immediate medical attention.
Announcer—Man! If that thing ever gets a bend in it ; they will have to rename it the Clinton Monument.
“Let’s put this in Tuesday perspective. I am much taller than the Capitol Complex and the Lincoln Memorial while only 5 inches shorter than the Washington Monument.”
Weather Dude:
As you can see we have a lot of hot air blowing in tonight centered around Senator Kennedy’s speech, tommorow we’ll see freezing temps as Senator Clinton comes in to talk about the joys of mairrage..
For Tuesday, your guess is as good as mine!
Bob: “Yes, Doreen, I did like those boots, a lot……. Why do you ask?”
Yesterday’s forecast, Tuesday – Dark at night.
We’ll be bringing you today’s forecast, Wednesday, sometime tomorrow once we know what it was.
Text:
Fancy techno display screen: $12,000
Tailored suit for on-air: $700
Toupee that doesn’t look quite like a dead animal: $250
Freeze-frame of your weatherman snuggling up to the Washington Monument: Priceless!
Text: Knock knock!
Announcer: Who’s there?
Text: Kennedy.
Announcer: Kennedy who?
Text: Kennedy-C weatherman ever get it right?
“Tuesday huh? It could rain. It might snow. The sky could be cloudy or cloudless. The sun might shine.”
“I covered my bases, don’t you think? Next stop … The White House.”
Announcer: Since Congress has not returned from the weekend recess, there is no weather near Capitol Hill to report. When legislators return Tuesday, we forecast a wave of hot air from New England.