It’s Friday, that means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Here’s the photo for this week:
Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.
Weekend Caption Contest™
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Kevin
Kevin founded Wizbang in 2003. He still contributes occasionally and handles all the technical and design work for the site.
Teresa! Can I please have my allowance now?
You can fool some of the people all of the time.
You can fool all of the peopple some of the time,
but how do you fool those damn swiftees?
Ladies and Gentlemen, MY…NAKED…WIFE!!!
inner thoughts ” shit this is the national guard and i have been trashing them as wussy’s that their daddy’s got them into to avoid real combat like I went to , I wonder if they know I was in Viet Nam.. Damn it I going to fire the guy who set this speech up, beacuse later today I have to call Bush a sissy draft dodger because of those stupid swift boat guys… I hope Theresa isn’t talking to the media… wish I was windsurfing”
“Sure I have a campaign song” “Listen up”.
“You put your right hand in,you put your right hand out,you do the flippy floppy and you shake it all arouund,that’s what it’s all about!”
Ladies and gentlemen, I come to give to you with this hand. Unfortunately, tommorrow I will have to take from you with the other.
I’m the wrong candidate, in the wrong place at the wrong time!
“… and so there I was, downtown Phnom Penh, with a butt full of rice and nothing but my magic hat between me and a hundred of Pol Pot’s finest”.
You rang?
Not Shown: John Edwards moving in from the front for yet another televised embrace.
“When you are married to a woman like Tarayza, your right hand is your best friend. I’ve named mine Charlene.”
The Vice President got 5 deferments and I served two tours of duty in Vietnam after my 5th deferment was refused. I guess he had a more reasonable request than I did on that last one. Oh! Did I say that? What I meant to say is, I honor your service in the National Guard, unless, of course, you served during Vietnam like the President did.
“My staff says I need to show the smooth and suave side. Okay, here goes.”
“Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto, Domo … Domo …”
On the one hand, you have people like me who volunteered honorably for active duty service….
Although he has no hope of winning, Agent Kerry attempts to taunt George ‘Neo’ Bush into yet another battle.
“It’s called an applause break. Now lets see that standing ovation….”
I just want to thank Col. Staudt for his support and help with my career….. along with Mr. Burkett, Mr. Cleland, Ben Barnes and of course, Mr. Rather!
Due to advice from Zell Miller and my wife, Teresa, you people in the National Guard will all be armed with spitballs AND naked under the Kerry adminstration. But you WILL have water and generators!
“I voted for chicken parmigiana right after I voted for prime rib”
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr Daaaaannnnn Raaaaattthhherr!!!
“Go ahead, pull my finger.”
Ready please, Mr Music!
Go west, life is peaceful there….go west, this and more we’ll do….go west…(repeat and fade)
Now only this side, nice and loud,
“Dan lied,
His ratings died”
“How did I get Dan Rather to do it? I just said come here Dan I want the introduce you to Ken, he has the frequency.”
You can fool some of the people some of the time, and
you can jerk the rest off.
You can fool some of the people some of the time, and
you can jerk the rest off.
“I just want to say one thing to the honored members of our Armed Services, here, tonight, … Semper Fi.”
“No, my eyes are not blood shot. It’s just a reflection from the states’ map to my right…its looking redder all the time.”
Of course Bob Dole would ask me to pull the latest MoveOn ad; my right arm was not injured in battle – see?
Unfortunately, in an ill-fated attempt to win more votes and to be seen as ‘one of the guys’, John started to field every question that came to him. “Yes, this is my dick hand.”
What is the sound of one hand undecided?
My fellow Americans, I say to you, “Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by attacking back”. When I am President I promise to be the biggest problem this country has ever seen. So when Al Queda attacks us again I will attack back with more worth than…. (who the hell wrote this… Fucking Carville). Let me begin again! My fellow Americans….
Oh my gosh, I needed that laugh – (this is not my entry) – I’m just applauding the “sound of one hand undecided” above.
Oh my gosh, I needed that laugh! (This is not an entry, I’m just applauding the “sound of one hand undecided” above.)
Thank you, thank you I’ll be here all week. Try the fish, I heard it’s very good. Almost as good as the dover sole I’m used to dining on. And don’t forget to tip your waitress! She’ll need it more than over once my economic policies are put in place.
Cue John Kerry speech voice:
The logo of the National Guard Associaton bears the Motto “We Serve,” which while on the one hand was technically true in your case, was actually not true for my opponent.
Where the hell’s everyone going? I haven’t even started my speech?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you…….My Ego!
Does anyone have any spare memo letterhead?
If I am elected,
I promise to be a more sensitive sympathizer,
of Al Quaeda,
and to prove it,
I promise,
that I,
will never wipe,
with right hand,
ever again!
And this is the hand that I shook hangs with the Viet Cong with, during war mind you…and this is the hand I will use to greet all of America’s enemies with…and welcome Sean Penn to the White House with…and this is the hand with which I will sign over Americs’s right to defend itself to the UN with…and with which I will order Saddam Hussein’s release…so lets all stand up an applaud my hand, you cowards, behold my hand, worship and praise my glorious hand..haha, muahaha, MUAHAHAHA!!
“…and for those of you who don’t agree with what I stand for, I invite you to talk to…”
And this is the hand that I shook hands with the Viet Cong with, during war mind you…and this is the hand I will use to greet all of America’s enemies with…and welcome Sean Penn to the White House with…and this is the hand with which I will sign over Americs’s right to defend itself to the UN with…and with which I will order Saddam Hussein’s release…so lets all stand up an applaud my hand, you cowards, behold my hand, worship and praise my glorious hand..haha, muahaha, MUAHAHAHA!!
OK, you take the back part of your hand, and in a sharp sweeping motion, you “chop” downward on the carotid…..there isn’t a 3 year old in America that can keep their sweaty little palms on one of Dubya’s signs when their brain shortwires, screaming for oxygen.
count them 5 different positions on the Iraq war, that’s how many I have had..
I can you too how to marry a billionare in just five easy steps, all you have to do is vote for me and I’ll send you a video at no cost or obligation…
Does anybody here know where I can find a good Campaign Advisor?
(As kerry blows a kiss to himself in the camera)
Vote for ME! I’m so wonderful & I’m not Bush!
“Klaatu barada nikto”
“You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out…”