It’s Friday, which means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:
Winners will be announced Monday morning.
Update: Winners annouced. Click the link to read the winning entries. The contest is now closed, but a new edition will debut Friday morning.
And Bill Gates said, “It’s not enough, Ballmer. Get to work buying up all the roads.”
On the left is the original Microsoft Auto and on the right, the same model with optional Service Pack 2 upgrade.
Ballmer was the Trunk Monkey prototype.
The Microsoft Auto comes in a standard bundled package. If you replace our stereo, tires, paint or upholstery, you will void your warranty.
“Where’s the Power On button?”
“Just In Time For Valentines Day>> An Italian Cheese Basket On Wheels.”
Of course you’ll also want to purchase the upgrade to last year’s more reliable model.
“…and Windows Genuine Advantage will conveniently connect to our server each time you start your car to assure that your car is properly licensed. If the car is not properly licensed you will be allowed to drive up to 10 miles an hour and only make left turns until you buy a proper license.”
“Why does the ignition key have ‘A-N-Y’ stamped on it?”
Buy one while it’s still little and raise it up to suit yourself.
This sounds like the punchline for a GM joke…
Available in Red, White or Blue Screen of Death.
What would Reagan do?
Wheres the beef?
A booster seat is extra Mr. Kucinic.
Showcasing the first products of the MS-GM partnership for the Information Highway
Italian Remake Of The Movie Classic “Bullet.”
( Steve McQueen’s Part Will Be Played By Krusty The Clown )
It isn’t mine originally, but I heard it years ago…
If Microsoft designed cars, they’d cost $500, carry 20 people and get 100 miles to the gallon. But every 100 miles they’d explode killing everyone inside.
“Although new owners were impressed with the performance, many were still confused by the requirement of pushing the ‘start’ button to turn the vehicle off.”
“Lifestyles of the rich and stupid.”
The Lap Top Version Is A Unicycle With A Touch Screen
Microsoft Pseudocode:
Sub FIAT()
Write(“Fix it Again Tony”)
Call Sub FORD()
End Sub
Sub FORD()
Write(“Found On Road Dead”)
Call Sub FIAT()
End Sub
“Well, we’re calling it The Buggy. Why do you ask?”
Ad campaign: As you motor effortlessly along backroads and highways, look at the beautiful Vista through our peerless Windows.
Reality: The Microsoft Auto takes 5 minutes to warm up before you can leave ‘Park’, accelerates sluggishly, handles like a dump truck, stops suddenly and unexpectedly, the built-in phone only lets you communicate with others in the car, and when you throw garbage out the window it ends up in the rear seat. Ah, but the Vista is still beautiful.
“Oh, the Owner’s Manual is in the trunk. It won’t fit in the glove compartment.”
“Choose a Path? What the f*** do you mean, Choose a Path!? I just want to go to the f***ing grocery store!”
Now The Geek Squad makes both home and road-side calls.
“I know what you’re asking yourself, can I afford to buy this car?! Well, let me tell you sir, You can’t!”
Ok, if I buy this car, will I look like the dorky guy in the iCar commercials?
Microsoft offers you a car with dozens of features you will never use, that doesn’t go very fast because it is doing sixteen other things while you try to drive and God help you if you let your friend borrow it.
5:00 Friday on an LA Freeway
Brings a whole new meaning to “Blue Screen of Death”
Hey, Baby, whaddya say we climb in the back seat and upload some porn?
There’s no Blue Screen when this crashes, just death.
Guy on left “Hmmm, wonder how many clowns will fit in that car?”
Guy on right “This car has nothing on Knight Rider.”
New Car buyers had trouble hitting the Control, Alt and Delete keys, at the same time, to open the Car Windows.
And this car has a koran in the glove compartment a GPS to point rhw way to MECCA AND A TRUNK LARGE ENOUGH FOR A SUICIDE BOMB BIG ENOUGH TO BLOW UP 10 CITY BLOCKS
“The Lap Top Version Is A Unicycle With Touch Screen Steering.”
Security shouldn’t be a problem, I here the new Defender program was developed by Wackenhut.
DatelineL Jan 8, 2008
Microsoft finally unveiled their long awaited Windows 2006 model. Bill Gates proudly started the first car off the assembly line and was promptly assisted by two assembly line workers when the car went in reverse instead of going forward. When asked about the apparant transmission flaw Mr Gates smiled and stated “that isnt a flaw it is a undocumented feature”.
It’s called the SC2. It stands for Senator Craig and it sits two comfortably!
The 2008 now has Vista, with the improved 2-star crash rating.
I’m still try to install the device drivers for the new gas I downloaded on the way home today.
Activating Your Carware:
1. Enter your 48-digit serial number.
2. Traverse the national highways to Seattle, WA to receive required authentication.
3. Install all security updates.
NOTICE: Microbile will be peppy and responsive for its first 1,000 miles. Increasing sluggishness thereafter and frequent restarts are normal and should be expected.
SPECIFICATIONS:
HP: 455
Fuel Capacity: 500 gallons
0-60 mph: 93 minutes
MPG: .34
Gross Vehicle Weight: 25,268 lbs.
Cost: $267,493
Terms: Manufacturer support limited to 36 months.
Of course the first edition will be called the ‘Billy Joel.’
Caution: Opening Hood Voids Warranty
Opening the car door the first time activates the EULA which says that you’re only allowed to drive it in a single town.
Wired recommends waiting for the SP2 release.
“stop … Stop … STOP … STOPSTOPSTOPSTOP … OHMYGODSTOPYOUMOTHERFUHAHHHHHHHHHHH…”
[crash][crunch][thud][thud[thud]…[tinkle]…
“Command recognized: ‘accelerate’. The navigation system indicates a higher speed is inconsistent with the current vehicle status, road surface, and conditions. Confirm ‘accelerate’.”