It’s Friday, which means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Due to a complete meltdown last weekend I never was able to post the winners of last weeks contest. That announcement will come soon.
Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.
No longer the hot commodity they were a few months ago, losing presidential candidates can usually be found on the discount rack.
“This damn cosmetics counter never has my shade of orange!”
-or-
Senator John Kerry finds his true calling as a department store mannequin.
-or-
“Has anyone seen my wife? Short little woman, hair like a bird’s nest? She’s two aisles over? Good. Here’s $100. You never saw me here.”
“Can I get me a huntin’ license here?”
While John is out shopping for gifts, Teresa shops for a candidate-husband for 2008 and a good divorce attorney.
You mean everything’s a dollar?
Showing his continuing disdain for Secret Service agents, John Kerry knocks the Secret Service agent on the floor with a swing of his shopping bag and yells…”Get out of my way suit boy – that’s my pumpkin orange tanning cream”
Two security guards watch the suspect after cusotmers complain that he knocked over the Turbo Man display.
Pardon me, I seem to have misplaced my dignity, you haven’t seen it have you?
Hey buddy – can ya spare a dime?
“Damn, good think I lost or I never would’ve had enough time to finish my Christmas shopping.
… or go biking
… or windsurfing
… or hunting
… or…”
“Excuse me, can I get an addition 10% of, I’m Senator John Kerry and I served in Viet Nam ya know.”
“Can you give me directions to the lumberyard? I really do need to buy some wood.”
Man of the people, John Kerry, thanks the helpful man for identifying the “checkstand” for him.
where can I get moi a gay marriage license?
Attention K-Mart Shoppers – We Have A Blue State Special on Aisle 9.
I’ll trade ya this bag of crack for your vote.
John Kerry purchases the new Bush vs. Kerry Rockem Sockem Robots, hoping to finally score a victory against George W. Bush.
John Kerry takes advantage of the new “Blue State Special” at the local K-Mart.
What do you mean, I’m over my limit? TERESA!!
What do you mean, stand in line?! Don’t you know who I am??
Pardon me, do you have any grey poupon?
Where is customer service? I need to return some biking shorts, a wet suit and a camouflage jacket and hat…
Upon seeing the “up to 50” line from the comfort of his chauffeured limousine, a heroic John Kerry rushes back to the scene to peacefully protest age discrimination.
“Hmmm….I could slip the silver plate between 2 boxes in my bag…..”
(The one above should’ve been 10% off, dang it. but heres another.)
“I need to speak to a manager, one of your security guards pushed me.”
Excuse me what aisle are the clues in?
Those half price votes in aisle 5, are they valid in Ohio?
Picked me up a little “lock box” – yea’ Gore told me it didn’t help him that much but I figure I’ll need all the help I can get in ’08.
or
Bible Trivia…perfect game to prepare for ’08.
I’ve gotta get a refund for these so I can pay back every cent of the campaign money like I promised.
To be or not to be (a Wal-Mart shopper) that is the question.
“When I saw the sign saying ‘Dollar General’ I thought it would be a cheap way to get a promotion.”
Kerry rehearses for his first American Express commercial:
“Do you know who I am? Last November 58 million people voted for me and I still lost, just because 61 million people voted for some other guy. That’s democracy for you.”
Not a caption, but a comment: That’s GOTTA be the Kay-Bee Toy Store in the Mall of New Hampshire, which is practically in my back yard. Well, maybe three miles. I’ve been there several times. I think I’ll go there this weekend and recreate this photo.
And I think it’s extremely telling that Kerry came up to New Hampshire to do his shopping, where we have 1) no sales tax and B) the first-in-the-nation Presidential primary, instead of doing his shopping in Massachusetts, or somewhere around D.C., or any of the other places he and TeRAYza have their mansions.
J.
J.
“Hmmm, let’s see here. She said spines would be right past the scented candles.”
[whispers] What aisle are these in?
There should be $15 million on this debit card. Don’t worry, all my purchases are official campaign presents.
As the holidays come around and we prepare to turn the new year it becomes the time to reflect on ones goals and aspirations. Let’s join John Kerry in this (strenuous) mental exercise.
“- Become President of the United States, guess I can scratch that one.
– Become President in 2008, Hmmm, probably not, Hillary has plans.
– Have sex with Kirstie Alley more likely now, and I hear she’s getting desparate. Wait there she is in a tabloid. Holy Mother of Mercy she looks like ….., Guess I should’ve updated that goal a few years ago..”
“I was naughty BEFORE I was nice….”
Hey, there, neighbor, how are your pigs — er, I mean hawgs — doin’ ?
What would be good for Christmas dinner, hmmmmmmmm… I know, GOOSE!! 😉
My Gawd! No one recognizes me! Wake up America! I’m John Kerry…..John. Forbes. KERRY!!!
Haircut and manicure – US$ 125
Chocolate corduroy trousers by Armani – US$ 350
Blouson jacket by Facconable – US$ 675
Used Democrat presidential candidate – worthless!
I got some uncounted ballots here…where’s the service desk?
Now, let’s see – I had it seared in my memory – just up ahead, and maybe second on the right – and I should be in Cambodia again in time for Christmas……….
Thinks : “Shoot, damn glad I lost – that looked like Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme in the pink hat…..”
Thinks : “Shoot, if only I’d won – this Kay Bee is giving me great ideas for a presidential library layout…..”
OK, I found what I wanted. Now what? You want money for this stuff, right? How does this work? I don’t have my staff with me …
Every evening you could see him walk into the store
He stood six-foot-six and weighed 254
He never said much anyone could understand
Just lots of damn blather about how he had a plan
Big John
(Big John)
(Big Jo-o-o-ohn)
Flip-floppin’ John
“Big screen TV’s?”….
Excuse me, where is the “moral values” aisle?