It’s Friday, which means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Due to a complete meltdown last weekend I never was able to post the winners of last weeks contest. That announcement will come soon.
Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.
Wait – that action figure – it’s not a GI Joe, it’s a…. a…. Swift Boat Vet!!!!
John Kerry, forgetting the election was over, posed for one last photo-op pretending to a regular guy shopping on Black Friday.
“That part about the economy being bad, that was, well, that was me lying.”
“Hey, fella, that orange barn coat is for YOU. I don’t need it anymore.”
John Kerry finally buys a set of balls. Asks customers if Edwards is still playing on the toy aisle.
The election lost, a mentally and emotionally shattered John Kerry is confronted by K-Mart security after aimlessly wandering around the store mumbling obscenities about President Bush, exit polls and Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter.
“‘Blue Light Special on Intimates?’
The fuck does that mean?”
There’s mother’s Geritol for the weekend, now how ’bout a little shaming the snack bar attendent.
Yes, that’s better.
She seemed willing enough. Now how to get Mr. Claus out of the way?
I come for the prices, I stay for the doddering trim.
Some people say John Kerry can’t shop with the common man, well READ MY PANTS…
Receipt sir…
Unfotunately John forgot himself for a moment and shook hands with the door man, dying minutes later of unwashed.
-tick- -tick- -tick- -tick-
“I vait outzide, Johneee. Don’t you kum out ov zere vizout ze ovvicial “Deek Cheenie Reelman Keet.”
Mistaking a store security agent for one of his former secret service agents John Kerry orders him to fetch his bottled water, unique hairbrush, Lambert Field trading cards and magic hat.
John Kerry is seen here taking home the Ronco “Campaign-O-Matic.” A new product guaranteed to make its owner not appear to be so much of an opportunistic yutz.
after losing the presidential election , Kerry’s allowance from Theresa was cut dramatically forcing him to shop at K-Mart..
“I’m sorry, Senator, but Mr. Soros has closed your account.”
Kerry:
Excuse me helper, what isle are the wealthy widows in?
Kerry:
I’m giving everyone the talking Ann Coulter doll this year, she is so damn sexy..
“John? John Heinz!? Everyone thought you died in that plane crash!”
The gift card reads….
My Dearest Hillary,
I hope you enjoy the following gifts. I had some free time so I stopped by this fantastic new store called Tar-zhay. Have you been here? It’s great!
Anyway, you know I’ve always admired your politics. And well, I was wondering, sort of maybe, if you didn’t have anyone already selected for your running mate that maybe, um, I don’t know, perhaps maybe you might, well, um….. pick me?
Happy Politically Correct Holidays,
Your Friend,
Your Buddy,
I have 3 Purple Hearts,
John Kerry
I remain forever vigilent in the idea that we can lead America to a brighter tomorrow, that we can do better, that we have yet to be all we can become, that we can be good citizens of the world and not only of our own self interests.
We can be all that… right after you give me 30 percent off the doorbuster price on Betsy Wetsy.
“Look, Miller, I don’t care what the Secret Service said — it’s your job to carry the shopping bag!”
“I think these waffle irons are defective – they’ve all stopped working.”
Yes, my Wife sent me out for some Tampax and a loofah for her stretch marks, also can you point me to the Big pants section?
“Got any maps to Chappaquiddick?”
Where’s Willllllllllbur? I need an apple.
Back away from that sir, I saw it first. I will not hesitate to flail you with my packages. I have never run from a fight and I am not going to start now. I carry a piece of shrapnel around in my leg to prove it. I have three purple hearts. Did you know I was in Vietnam? I remember spending Christmas in Cambodia. It is seared, seared in me….
“I’m looking for the Fly Over Section. They told me that’s where I could buy some Red States.”
or
Shoot. I promised her a fruitcake made with gin-soaked raisins. If I can’t find one its gonna be chilier than Wendy’s around the estate.
or
Just about got the shopping wrapped up. Just gotta find that Selectric fer my buddy Dan.
or
I sure miss my old flight jacket that George Washington and Ghandi gave me; it kept me cozy in the Delta but it always clashed with my lucky hat. This new one from Chirac fits my personal style better.
Update: Winners announced. Comments are now closed.