Where There’s Smoke…

There’s a reason why there are so many dumb criminals stories: it’s because that, by and large, criminals are dumb. If they weren’t so dumb, then they’d see just how dumb their actions were, and how likely the chances they’d get caught.

Witness one Alan Hernandez.

Alan is 18 and lives in Manchester, New Hampshire. He was quite enamored of a younger lady (age 14), and she apparently returned his feelings. Her family didn’t approve, so the two figured they would present them with a fait accompli: he’d get her pregnant.

Well, her big brother reacted in a fairly typical big-brother fashion: he got mad as hell at Hernandez, and threatened him. Not a typical threat, though — he said he’d report Hernandez as a likely illegal alien.

That sent Mr. Hernandez through the roof, and he responded by threatening to kill his lover’s brother, even holding a knife over his head to his throat. (Always a great way to secure the affections of one’s paramour — didn’t Charles Starkweather try something similar?) The girl’s mother conned him into taking a ride to see the girl (she was with relatives) and instead turned him into the police.

Where he is now, facing charges of statutory rape, criminal threatening, and simple assault. There is no word on his immigration status, but considering his reaction to the brother’s accusation, I suspect there is some substance to the charge.

“To live outside the law, you must be honest.” A lesson Mr. Hernandez never learned.

Have you seen these men?
This Logic Will Make You Want to Wrap Your Head in Duct Tape