If only President Obama knew…

Since the Democrats are dusting off and advocating old Soviet era “fairness” policies it seems fitting to bust out some Soviet era humor.  I gotta admit, I really envy Barack Obama.  Not the perks of office or the capability to smite my enemies or the prestige all presidents enjoy.  Sure, all that would be nice.  But my mind keeps drifting back to a statement.  A statement greeted with gasps and howls from the media at the time which, in retrospect, was incredibly prophetic.

“I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a community organizer, except that you have actual responsibilities.”

I envy Obama’s total lack of responsibility for any failure to competently execute his duties.  Can you imagine how nice it must be to waltz through life absolutely blameless no matter how badly the organization you are tasked to lead bungles and willfully ignores the law?

It sucks.  I beat myself up over small mistakes at work.  Almost all go unnoticed by anyone but me anyway but it still irks me when I make silly errors because I’m in rush or distracted.  Even when I’m exceeding expectations at the macro level.  And everyone on my team is the same way.  We’re all perfectionists, we’re always looking to be better at what we do.  It’s a great environment and we kick ass.

But picture a world where you fail at your most basic responsibilities, not only don’t improve but repeatedly make even larger and larger errors affecting more and more important aspects of people’s lives, aren’t forthcoming with information about why you’re failing and mostly lie when you are and yet the self-appointed watchdogs purported to oversee your work can only wonder how circumstances and the people surrounding him have conspired to hamstring this clearly outstanding performer with catastrophe after catastrophe.

Run-on, not just a river here in Texas.

Come in, surf the web for a bit, hit the john for thirty minutes of Candy Crush, answer a couple of e-mails, lunch, web, john, meeting, split.  Sounds pretty freaking sweet to me.  I don’t care how much you love your job, when you’re hustling it’s stressful.  Obama acts like he hasn’t got a care in the world.

I’d have to go back and look but I’m pretty sure my initial reaction to Obamacare was, “Well crap then, let’s make sure it gets implemented by the letter so Americans get to enjoy their folly good and hard.”  I blame all of you.  Voting for Obama, nominating John McCain as his challenger.  What the hell were people thinking?

So now we’ve got a guy who would lose money if he managed a McDonald’s at Disney World as CEO overseeing implementation of a law impacting 20% of our economy – and your health care – across multiple federal and state agencies.  Oh, and it will fundamentally change your your health insurance – like it or not.  You may pay more too.  A lot more, maybe.  But wait, that’s not all!  There’s that whole employer mandate thing on top of the impending individual proclamation to buy health insurance.

I’ve got to be honest, I’m really going to enjoy the salty tears and wails from the oh-so-profitable media industry when that employer mandate kicks in come 2015.  Nose, scalpel, face, some assembly required.  I knew I was going to feel pain from this law.  I was ag’in it.  They made it happen.  Which means they’ll probably just bite their pillows and take it in silence.

In fact, if the president or his adviser would just suggest the correct underling the media will make certain no blame is directed Obama’s way.  Besides, Congress wrote the bill.  He just signed it.

Voila, easy as pie.  Seeing your messiah preside over a disaster of biblical proportions has to be disconcerting.  Especially when your own health care costs are doubling for a worse plan than you had before.  But how much blame can we really place on one man when such an enormous, complicated endeavor fails – through no fault of his own?  It’s not like  Barack is some wizbang computer guru.  (I do know a guy in D.C. who is a Wizbang computer guru, though…)  Joe Biden told us so.  Barack Obama is just a simple lawyer.  Your talk of alpha and beta and user acceptance testing frightens and confuses him.  That’s why he went to law school.  Sometimes he just wants to run out of the White House and go hide back in the community he used to organize.

Until he realizes he’s the historic first President of the United States to be completely unaware of and unaccountable for anything bad that happens yet whose wisdom and leadership is fully responsible for even the most trifling bit of good that occurs anywhere on Earth.  Knowing he can crap in someone’s bed and that person will merely comment on how well formed and beautifully placed they found resulting stool to be when gazing at their pillow.  Then swallow his line about how someone else did it and shout that blame from the rooftop.

We’ve progressed passed an affirmative action presidency to a Special Olympics presidency.  It’s just not socially acceptable to evaluate Obama based on the traditional metrics we’ve used to measure a president’s performance.  You wouldn’t compare a sprinter in the Special Olympics to Usian Bolt.   He’s to be complimented on his winning smile and attitude, how lofty his never-kept promises sound, and for just being Obama.

Now some might say dragging the Special Olympics into the comparison is offensive.  Well, opinions are like squeakholes.  We’ve recently seen a rodeo clown fired for wearing an Obama mask during a skit.  An entire hospital staff is being forced to attend sensitivity training because some joker showed up to the Halloween party wearing an Obama mask and straight jacket.

Flashback to 1983 at the height of the Cold War and imagine if you told 1,000 people that 30 later years the citizens of a country who dared to mock the president would be subject to losing their job and/or mandatory reeducation.  In which country do you think 1,000 Americans would have guessed this would be happening?

They would have guessed wrong.  Except for any commies or Birchers.  They’d have been at least half right.

Yeah, yeah, two private organizations made those decisions and it had nothing to do with coercion.  Well coercion comes in many forms.  Or perhaps it’s not so easy for some people to understand why a hospital might not want to run afoul of an administration with authority to implement health care law and the temerity to use the IRS against its political opponents.  An administration with complete authority over health care law with apparently no accountability I might add.

It’s just a matter of time before all the textbooks used to teach management in colleges around the country are revised to reflect the brilliance of Obama’s leadership and how his management traits have redefined what constitutes effective leadership.  Rudderless, fly-by-night, cheap oft-repeated slogans,  reacting to events after the fact, deflecting blame, obfuscating, outright lying, demonizing anyone who disagrees.  Those will be the new hallmarks of great leadership.  Above all, make certain everyone know how angry you are when things go wrong.  No one should ever be able to claim they were angrier.

I learned about this on the news like everyone else, but now that I know you can rest assured no one is angrier.  And we’re going to get to the bottom of this Republican sabotage if it’s the last thing I do.

If only Comrade Obama knew.

Bonus Soviet era joke:

A Jew, an atheist, and Obama walk into a bar.  The talk eventually turns to the newly passed Obamacare bill and the atheist mentions that he’s worried.  The bill is too large, too unseemly.  It tries to do too many things.  Its passage and implementation could spell doom for Democrats if they are unable to thread the eye of a needle with donkey.

President Obama looks the atheist right in the eyes and says, “Don’t you worry one bit.  This bill has my name on it and I’m going to be overseeing its implementation every step of the way.  I’m better at management than anyone in Washington.  Not only that, we’ve got the best and brightest people in America working on this.  Isn’t that right, Rahm?”

“Oh, absolutely,” replied the Jew.  “Why if you took all the competent people in Washington making this happen and stood them atop one another they would reach all the way to God.”

“But God doesn’t exist!” protested the atheist.

The Jew leaned to Obama and whispered, “Listen, about those competent people….”

It's for your own good. Honest.
God save the United States and this honorable court…