Move over Donald Trump (your hair, too). I have my own endorsement to make. Now that the GOP field of contenders has been narrowed to just three people – Romney, Gingrich and Santorum – I feel comfortable enough to present the hightly-coveted Melmacian endorsement to . . .
Yeah, yeah. luaP noR is still technically in the GOP race. Wake me up when he actually wins a state contest.
Now, where was I?
Oh, yes. As I was saying . . .
I feel comfortable enough to present the highly-coveted Melmacian endorsement for the 2012 presidential race. As my fans already know . . .
Yes, the word “fans” is plural. It only takes two to have “fans”. If you don’t believe me, then ask MSNBC.
Anyway, as my fans . . . and Wizbang! regulars . . . already know, I am absolutley opposed to Barack Obama having a second term in the White House. Contrary to what trolls might claim (before being struck by Olaf’s hammer), my absolute opposition to Obama has nothing to do with his racial/ethnic background. Egads, my daughter is blacker than Obama.
So, who do I want to win? Well, let’s look at the pros and cons of each of the remaining GOP contenders.
[Uh, has luaP noR won a state yet? . . . I didn’t think so.]
Romney: Well, he has been the governor of a state, and somehow he salvaged the Olympic Games in Salt Lake City. So, he has executive experience. Yet, that experience is not enough; otherwise Rick Perry would still be the darling of the GOP. Romney doesn’t excite me. He comes across to me as being a default candidate, supported by GOP leaders because it’s Romney’s turn at bat. The GOP tried that in 1996 with Bob Dole, and then in 2008 with McCain. I still don’t know if Romney could win a debate with Obama.
Gingrich: I remember well why Gingrich left Congress. He was bedding his mistress while he worked to get President Clinton impeached. Sure, Clinton was impeached for committing perjury while in the Oval Office. Apparently Gingrich’s wedding vows to his wife Marianne were another kind of lie. Gingrich’s desire for arm candy overrode his duty to his ill wife. If Gingrich were to win the presidential election this November, then the White House wouldn’t have another “First Lady”. Instead, the White House would have a “First Trophy”.
Yet, Gingrich’s affair with (now marriage to) the woman from Stepford, Connecticut isn’t enough to turn me against him. What matters to me is who in Congress is endorsing Gingrich . . .
Who in Congress is endorsing Gingrich? He was the Speaker of the House. If he had been a great GOP leader back then, then the people who worked with him would be endorsing him. So, besides former congressman J.C. Watts, who is endorsing Gingrich?
Santorum: Dr. Huxtable would love Santorum’s sweaters. It’s too bad that the citizens of Pennsylvania don’t, otherwise Santorum may not have been voted out of office. If the citizens of Santorum’s home state didn’t want Santorum to remain in the U.S. Senate, then what reason would they have for wanting him in the White House? Don’t think that people will automatically vote for a native of their state, because in 2000 Al Gore lost in Tennessee.
Still, Santorum has been gaining momentum, what with his recent wins in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri, but is that enough? If the general election were some kind of giant caucus, then perhaps Santorum would have a chance to win it. Sure, he would win the “not-Romney and not-Obama” vote, but moderate and independent voters don’t necessarily want someone who is just not-Romney and not-Obama. They might vote for someone who would clearly do a better job than Obama, if such a person were on the ballot, but what has Santorum said or done to convince moderates and independents that he would be better? Except for a recent Rasmussen poll, Obama leads Santorum in the polls by a margin greater than Obama’s lead over Romney. Santorum has to do more than sell himself to GOP voters. He has to sell himself to the general public, which is something that he has yet to do. Santorum may wear great-looking sweaters, but he is no Dr. Huxtable.
So, who should get the coveted Melmacian endorsement?
The winner already has the endorsements of Slublog and Erick Erickson at Red State. Laura W. at Ace of Spades is impressed by the winner. As I see it, the winner is the one most likely to make a huge impact on the USA’s future.
And the winner is . . .
. . . my choice is absolut. It is . . .
Erick Erickson states, “I would honestly prefer Ace of Spades’ sweet meteor of death than any of the candidates left in the race.”
Slublog states, “This has been an awful primary season. Again. After only a couple of primaries, Republicans have a choice between three politicians who have embraced big government solutions in the past, and Ron Paul. After much thought, I’ve finally decided which candidate I can wholeheartedly support.”
Ace of Spades has published SMOD’s stump speech, which is this:
Howdy! I am an enormous chunk of rock hurtling through space for now, but hoping for a chance to profoundly change the world for the better. I want to stop the partisan sniping and bickering of rivals that characterizes the political process. And I want you to never have to vote for the lesser of two evils ever again.
My platform: Death. To expunge. The annihilation of all life on Earth. Some say I am naive and doomed to failure, since bacteria, certain ocean creatures, and some insects will surely survive my planet-wracking onslaught. I concede that my critics may technically have a point.
But the truth is, I’ve always been a ‘half-a-loaf-of-bread-is-better-than-none’ kind of guy.
My choice of SMOD is quite reasonable. After all, I’m an independent, and the state that I live in doesn’t have open primaries. So, it would do no good for me to endorse any current GOP contender. Besides, SMOD has all the qualities that a Melmacian likes. SMOD is a showy extraterrestrial promising to make a crash landing.
Seriously, the GOP has a problem when the November election is the GOP’s to lose, and yet people prone to favor a GOP candidate are wishing that a meteor would strike the Earth before the November election takes place. That is absolute.
Now, excuse me. Thinking about the current GOP presidential contenders gives me the desire for a drink.
I told you that my choice is absolut. I’m Melmacian. What else would I have been talking about?
