First up, a couple of disclaimers. This would never happen, and this would be a horribly bad thing to have happen. I would never wish for this to happen. But damn, I find it a tremendously amusing one.
It’s a little late in the game for this, but I find myself entertaining a truly fun and subversive thought. Back when the #Occupy mobs started taking over public areas, announcing that they weren’t bound to obey laws, and even encouraging crime victims within their encampments NOT complain to police should they become the victim of a crime, wouldn’t it have been amusing if some police official came out and said something like this?
Ladies and gentlemen, the people currently occupying the park have declared themselves above the law, and not bound by the regulations and ordinances that govern the use of that park. The civilian authorities have conceded to these actions, and specifically ordered me to permit this to continue unchallenged. This presents an intolerable situation to law enforcement, and I am taking the following steps to resolve the conflict:
As of 12:01 tomorrow morning, I am declaring the occupied park outside of our jurisdiction. We concede that we have no authority within its boundaries. We will not take any action to remove the occupiers. We will not enter or attempt to enter that park under any circumstances.
Let me make that explicitly clear — under no circumstances will we enter the park. Not even in response to emergency calls or seeing crimes committed. Instead, we will be setting up a secure perimeter around the park. The sole purpose of that will be to prevent any crimes committed from within the park from endangering people outside the park.
In brief, ladies and gentlemen, whatever happens within that park is simply none of our concern. Drug use, sex crimes, assaults, robberies, even murders committed within the park will not be responded to.
I do not take this action happily. I have an obligation to uphold the law. But I also have an obligation to obey the dictates of the elected government, and they have declared that the occupation of the park is not within my jurisdiction. I have determined that this policy is the best way to comply with this directive.
Let me issue one final warning: the declaration of this area as being a police-free zone comes with the danger of criminals seeing this as a tremendous opportunity to prey upon others with no fear of police intervention. We, of course, will work to keep this from happening, but under current city policy there is very little we can do. We can not prevent known criminals from entering and leaving the park freely, nor we can not intervene if we see crimes being committed in plain sight within the park.
Should the city change its policy regarding the park, and return it to police jurisdiction, I will relay that decision immediately. But until such time, I personally recommend that all citizens stay away from the park.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going home and throw away my DVD of “Escape From New York.” I fear that it’s going to become all too real in the immediate future.
Yeah, never happen, never should. But the message it would impart to the #Occupy mobs — “be careful what you wish for” — is sorely deserved. As others noted, what we’re seeing is an amazing example of just what happens when liberal/progressive ideals are given free rein to institute their own ideal society.
The major difference here: the huge, steaming piles of feces are not just metaphorical.