Chicago, Chicago, You’re My Kind Of Town

I’m not that fond of Chicago. For one, it gave us Barack Obama. For another, it’s home to one of the most corrupt political machines in the country, rivaled mainly by New York and New Orleans. But that first one is enough.


But I gotta say, right now I’m filled with warm fuzzies for the Windy City, because it’s done something truly awesome — the most awesome thing since the Blues Brothers movie.


The Occupy movement has an affiliate there, and they’ve been hassling the traders and other Wall Street types there. And the traders have been hassling back — with an inimitable style and flair that just… sings to me.


First up, they wrote a truly epic open letter to the protesters, informing them of the dangers of getting what you wish for. (Hat tip to Oyster) I’m proud of my abilities as a writer, and I boast of not being an envious person… but I am gnawing at my own heart over that work of art.


And Monday, the traders struck again. With the protesters making their noise and messes below their windows, the traders (and their rogue photocopier) made it rain — they showered the protesters with McDonald’s applications.


There’s a scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?  that I’ve taken as my mantra. Roger and Eddie are handcuffed together, and Eddie starts hacksawing at the chain. The table’s wobbly, so Roger slips out of his cuff to steady it. When Eddie glares at Roger, he slips back into the cuff.


“You mean you coulda slipped out of those cuffs at any time?”


“No! Only when it was funny!”


I’m normally content thinking of those traders as… well, assholes. That’s when I bother thinking of them at all, and I try not to. But in this case, they’re being assholes towards some of the biggest assholes in the country today.


And for that, I have to salute them. Hail to thee, Chicago traders. And carry on. You’re making the nation proud.


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