The Obama administration, in its endless (and futile) quest to show that its “stimulus” efforts have actually done some good, keeps flailing about for a “shovel-ready” project that would help the economy. Well, I got one: let’s fire up the steam shovels and backhoes and bucket loaders… and sever Florida from the continental United States. Then we tow the whole state south and graft it on to Cuba.
Why am I so irate at the Sunshine State? Because they (well, their Republican Party) is, once again, looking to screw over the entire nation and, more importantly, New Hampshire.
The Republican National Committee has worked out a time table for the presidential primaries this year. And the Florida GOP is not happy with their placement, so they want to move it up, getting them more say in the who the nominee will be. And this will lead, naturally, to other states moving up their dates.
For example, New Hampshire has it written into our laws that our primary must be at least a week before any other state’s primary. No exceptions. And enforcement of that law falls on the shoulders of our Secretary of State, Mr. William Gardner.
Lemme tell ya ’bout my homey, Bill. Bill is about as non-partisan as it gets. His most solid belief is in his job, and the most contentious part of that is running the primary every four years. Bill lives, breathes, eats, and sleeps Primary. (I’ve known people who’ve worked with him.) And he’s damned good at it.
How good? He’s held the job for 35 years, and that job is appointed by the legislature for a two-year term. Which means he’s been re-appointed 17 times, by legislatures of both parties. There’s not a political figure in New Hampshire who has ever said anything bad about Bill, and I’d almost be willing to take a bullet for the guy.
Anyway, Bill is in charge of setting the date of the primary, and he will not yield to any outside pressure whatsoever. Ever. The law is the law, and it will be followed in the Granite State.
Now, as I said, Florida is looking to increase its relevance in the electoral process. Objectively speaking, I can’t really blame them. Hell, force me into a corner and put a gun to my head, and I might — might — admit that New Hampshire doesn’t really have a good rationale for having the first primary apart from “we did it first, and we want to keep doing it.” But we really haven’t made a botch of things over it, have we?
On the other hand, Florida wants us all to forget a few inconvenient truths. Truths like how they completely and utterly boned over the entire nation in 2000 with their little “electile dysfunction.” Or how their similar insistence in 2008 led to the primaries all being “front-loaded,” and sticking us with those stellar nominees, Barack Obama and John McCain. (Talk about the “evil of two lessers.”)
And remember, we’re talking Florida Republicans here. This is the party that gave us Charlie Crist and
Tom Mark Foley.
So, Florida, what’s it gonna be: back off, or backhoes?