Ask Baron

As you might expect, being a contributor to Wizbang generates an enormous amount of reader mail every day.  So much, in fact, that it’s impossible to respond with any sense of timeliness.   After sorting through the cease-and-desist orders, the subpoenas, and the death threats there’s just no time to give everyone else a personalized response.

Still, we’ve got a great bunch of readers who do send along some quite interesting questions and comments, so here we go.  If you have a question or comment and would like to get in on the action just send an e-mail to the tips link on this page with Ask Baron in the subject line.

You’re the worst writer on the site.  I don’t know why Kevin keeps you around.  Don’t quit your day job.

There are usually a bunch of these.  Frankly, I’m as baffled as you are.  Maybe he’s operating on the “thousand monkeys chained to a thousand typewriters” principal.  Assuming the monkeys are mescaline-addled and taught to smoke profusely.  Some day, perhaps years from now, out the amassed feces-smeared paper will be something epic and unforgetable.

Other than the daffy, nonsensical content I think my writing itself holds up pretty well.  I’m a hack, but a technically proficient hack.

Depsite the stipend Kevin pays his writers each month and unlimited expense account there’s no way I would ever give up my day job.  Like all fiscal conservatives, no matter how princely one’s blogging income becomes you always want more.

Plus who would willingly give up use of my company’s corporate jet?  Wizbang One is nice and all, but sometimes it’s a relief to get away from Jay’s Renaissance Faire sock puppet shows and DJ’s “pull my finger” routine.  After about four hours of Victorian accents and plantain gas on the way back from our group outing to Rio I wished Auric Goldfinger was flying the damned jet.

Where do you get off calling Barack Obama stupid?  He’s smarter than you.  Where did you graduate from college if you even did?

Once again it’s hard to argue.  On the one hand is Barack Obama – Ivy League undergrad, Harvard Law with honors, Chicago Law lecturer, Senator, POTUS.  On the other hand is me – BBA from Greater North Texas Vocational Institute with dual majors in Misogyny and Outdoorsmanship.

Then again, education doesn’t necessarily make the man.  People have been telling me my whole life I should quit screwing around and wasting my intelligence.  I imagine Obama was quite the same as I in that respect.  From an academic credential standpoint he probably benefitted from affirmative action.  I could have gone to law school (and did pick up a few post-grad hours in finance) with my test scores but never could have gotten financial aid other than loans.  No way me or my parents could have afforded to send me to Harvard Law.

The connections and prestige of a Harvard Law degree go a long way towards success regardless of pedigree.  How’s a man who studied trapping bobcats supposed to compete with that?

Of course it’s silly and probably offensive to some for a white male to say life might have been better if he’d been born black.  Still, who knows how things might have turned out.


dear sir,

introduction:-i am tony foster,i am the marketing manager of phillips art intitution.i know this mail will come to you as a suprise.

well we want your company to help us in raising some money for us so that we can organise a art exhibition here in nigeria and we need companys like yours to invest in our exhibitions.we want the world to know we good artists and cloth designer that are good who are africans but without the exhibition they can not be know as artist and designers.

the little we have can not be enough for the exhibition that is why we need your help,to help us fufill what we have,sir i will be very grateful if you can help us out,please grant our proposal sir.

your’s faithfully
tony foster

 This is the kind of mail that really tugs at my heartstrings because there was a time when I felt like I would never find a creative outlet for my blogging talent.  There, but for the grace of Kevin, go I.  Which is why I was surprised that Kevin – who should really learn to discuss grant proposals without using words like “stupid” or “idiot” or “moron” or “dumbass” – had little enthusiasm for a fund drive.

Fear not, Tony, for I shall perservere without Mr. Not-Throwing-My-Money-Away-On-Such-An-Obvious-Scam.  Coincidentally, I happen to have a friend who deals in art.  He’s not just willing, but eager to help.  Once we can see samples of your students’ work final arrangements for an exhibit can be made.  To ease shipment of samples and minimize customs delays, please deposit $1,000 in an account to cover currency exchange costs then forward the account information.  Once the account is confirmed by a small wire transfer to our US account we will send back a wire deposit of $25,000.

Please act in great haste as we have several potential exhibitors with a strong interest in Nigerian art.

There are only two things in Texas – steers and queers.  And I don’t see any horns on you.  Everything you write shows you’re a typical loudmouth, dumbass Texan.

As long as you’re clear up front you’ll take it in the can once you eventually move here to find a job.  I take solace in knowing that from the year 2000 through 2020 Americans will have spent 16 years with former Texas Governors Bush and Perry serving as President of the United States.

That’s all for now.  Thanks for your comments.


A Modest Proposal for a Series of New Taxes
Crisis and Reality