Gay Marriage benefits the UGLY²

But not all are happy about this development:

Wilbur Freckenbrenner, president of the group Unattractive Guys Love & Yearn Too, or UGLY² for short, is glad that seven states now recognize same-sex marriage to one degree or another. “Guys like me have no hope of ever marrying a girl,” he told AoftheA. “And who can blame them, right? But that doesn’t mean I should be discriminated against solely based upon my looks. It’s not like I’ve chosen to be ugly or anything. Married couples receive incredible benefits – and with same-sex marriage gaining approval, myself and other members of UGLY² have greater opportunities to receive those same benefits.”

Freckenbrenner was quick to point out that he’s not gay. “I am attracted to women. I’m 100% straight, as is every single member of UGLY². Problem is, women aren’t attracted to us.”

Bradley Sachet, a spokesman for the GLBT advocacy group Redefine Marriage Now!, isn’t pleased with groups like UGLY². He feels they’re merely attempting to co-opt the hard-won fights in New York and Rhode Island, and using the results to their advantage.

“Our fight goes way beyond just wanting the same rights as opposite-sex marriages,” Sachet said. “We’re fighting for tolerance and justice. We’re fighting to remove the stigma of a love between two men or two women. Groups like UGLY² are making a mockery of our struggle. And that’s intolerable.”

But Freckenbrenner disputes Sachet’s claims. “We’re not the ones making a mockery of marriage – we aren’t bullying opponents; we aren’t demonizing Christians; we aren’t holding Ugly Pride Parades; we aren’t demanding the right to adopt kids. We just want to “marry” our ugly roommates in order to cash in on the bennies. That’s it. And to be honest, I think that’s what the whole same-sex marriage push boils down to for groups like Redefine Marriage Now! You know – follow the money. The difference with us is that we’re not ashamed to admit it.”

And besides, aren’t the ugly born that way?

Anyway, the piece goes on to chronicle other groups aligning themselves with UGLY² and it’s… entertaining.

With props to Fr. Longenecker.

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