Putin 2012

America could sure use a man like Vladimir Putin right now.  Not the godless commie bastard part, but Putin the man.  He’s played American presidents for a bunch of suckers, huh?  Remember when Bush said he looked into Putin’s eyes and saw his soul?  Putin looked into Bush’s eyes and saw a heat signature like the Predator:

Say Vladimir, do you think America and Russian could ever be best friends?

Either that or he saw a list of possible responses like the Terminator:

Sorry, I was just thinking of something funny that happened at the Kremlin…or what?

I don’t have a lot of beefs with Bush’s foreign policies.  The late bother with MidEast peace was pointless.  I know you can’t be openly belligerent with China and Russia, still, a little more benign indifference would have been nice.  Obama has been an almost universal disaster but nothing sums up his Russia policy better than this juxtaposition of Obama and Putin:

More like SUMMER SNAPKICKS if you’re riding in the boat with Putin.

Afterwards Putin said, “Maybe some people don’t understand whaling.  Flowers need bees to pollinate one another and the bees need the flowers’ pollen to survive.  Whalers need whales and the whales need killing.”

He makes Ernst Blofeld look like some guy rolling a drunk.  Putin is being cast for next summer’s blockbuster Harry Potter and the Polonium Tea Cup.  I have no doubt he’s actually killed a man at some point in his professional life.  Hell, if Putin got tipped on OBL he probably would have been in the first chopper on the ground.

Not functional?  Meh.  I was planning to club him with the buttstock anyway.

So now he’s got comely Russian gals stripping in support of his attempt to recapture the presidency.  It started in response to an incident last year when he impregnated a young Russian girl by waving to her as he passed by in his motorcade.  Putin’s giving Hope to every Russian who’s wanted to peep into the Changing Room.

It’s like Bruce Wayne woke up one day as an ex-KGB Russian billionaire and said, “Listen up everyone!  I’m Batman.  Vote Batman in March.”  He’s got a 65%+ approval rating in Russia.  Lower than the 75-80% it was not long ago and not significantly higher than Medvedev’s 60-ish rating, but still sixty-five freaking percent.  Who wouldn’t cast their ballot for a man like Putin?

If you were a Russian, of course.  I figure like there are no ex-Marines nobody’s ex-KGB.  So the fact Russia has been run by what amounts to a supervillian since 1999 is sort of alarming.  Damn.  Obama gave him a Reset Button.  And a poorly translated one at that.

I remember a Thanksgiving day Cowboy game back when Jimmy Johnson was still running the team.  The network gave Emmitt Smith some hideous turkey-shaped game MVP trophy.  This is after a couple of Super Bowl wins and an league MVP.  And about five minutes later they show a shot of that trophy in a garbage can right near the player’s tunnel where Emmitt chucked it on the way to the locker room.  I’ve got a feeling Obama’s poorly-translated Reset Button is sitting in a Kremlin desk drawer until every once in a while when Putin takes it out and laughs so hard he almost wets himself.

Especially knowing Obama’s helped send the US careening toward a Soviet-style economic collapse.  Oy.  At least when we go we’ll take Russia and China with us.  They’re used to being poor and led by strongmen.  I wonder how we’ll like it.

Maybe Rick Perry is the answer.  We know he’s killed at least one coyote.

The left boot says, “Screw Russia”…the right “And China Too”
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