Sometimes it’s easy to forget that being born in America isn’t always winning the lottery of life. All of us that were born here in the good old USA were immediately blessed with an enormous head start towards a comfortable life. Imagine, if you can, a country where the poorest 20% of the population are fat.
Plus I hit the Powerball of being born a white male American. Growing up I just assumed white males would always secretly run the world. Little did I realize oppressing would require so much drinking, so many dove hunting trips, so many pounds of bbq, and so many hours of watching college football and NASCAR.
Then there’s living in Texas, enough wits to hold a decent job, a functional radiator still, enormous genitalia, pleasant family life, and my crazy-ass bird dog. There are probably five billion people on Earth who can only dream of how I live. And I’m not wealthy by a long shot. You too. Just a typical American.
What I lack in empathy I more than make up in schadenfreude though.
So to my fellow domestic, naturalized, and yes even undocumented Wizbangers I say raise your ivory back scratcher high and thank your deity of choice for being fortunate enough to be in America. But let us not forget how thankful we should be to have such a privileged life.
Things could be much worse. As President Obama has been trying to warn us for the last two years. We have tough choices on the horizon and the President has already teamed with a Liberal-dominated Congress to make some choices. We Americans should be proud knowing we are empowered to affect which path we will take. Yet again there are billions around the world who may never know what we Americans take for granted.
For me a tough choice is Little Sichuan or Fred’s Philly Cheesesteak for lunch, right. They’re both so damn good it’s hard to decide. Burger Island or Mi Cocina? Once again I won the lottery of life by not having to make really tough choices like the President.
What can you do when you inherit the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression? Just sit there while firemen, police, and teachers get laid off or borrow eight hundred some-odd billion dollars to jump start shovel-ready projects across America?
How about when the President was forced to choose between doctors lopping off legs and tonsils or passing a historic health care reform bill? How’d you like to make that call?
Speaking of gutsy calls, has any President had to make a tougher call than sending men in to take out bin Laden?
With another debt ceiling cap looming he’s now got to choose between defaulting on America’s debt or tax breaks for corporate jets and greedy fat-cat oil companies.
Apparently corporate jets are magical and powered entirely by testosterone, misogyny, and hatred of minorities. Therefore able to fly uninterrupted forever. Well, at least until the stores of imported duty-free single malt scotch whiskey and Black Sea caviar run out.
I don’t envy a man who has to choose between saving America’s financial future and luxury transportation for billionaires.
Which path would you take?
It’s like choosing between new snow leopard seat covers for the Aston Martin or using your newborn daughter to club an opossum to death in the back yard for Christmas dinner. You bitch fate! Why have Americans been cursed with two and only two such easily-framed, obvious options to avert fiscal calamity?
We clearly have no choice but to send even more money to Washington. It’s either that or default. And we can’t afford to default any more than we can afford handicapped children toiling in uranium mines to preserve tax cuts for greedy seal clubbing corporations.
Because nothing says “Won the lottery of life” like living a luxurious, mutually exclusive lifestyle. Especially when you’re just running up a tab you have no intention of paying to your beneficiaries when you die.