Help Wanted

Anti-war protesters. Experience required. We are now recruiting as many anti-war protesters to rally in major cities across the nation. Must have own signs — either home-made or professionally printed by Union sign shops. Experience in constructing giant puppets and papier-mache heads a plus. Also, knot-tying for hanging figures in effigy.

Anarchists must provide their own black balaklavas.

Preference given to applicants with “NO BLOOD FOR OIL,” “IMPEACH THE WARMONGER,” and “I’M ALREADY AGAINST THE NEXT WAR” bumper stickers, and all but white males. Multiple minority status definitely a plus.

Send resumes to usefulidiots@internationalanswer.org, tools@codepink.org, stooges@moveon.org.

JAMES O’KEEFE, ASSOCIATES OF JAMES O’KEEFE, AND SIMILARLY MINDED PEOPLE NEED NOT APPLY. PLEASE. WE’RE BEGGING YOU.