In a stunning move, President Barack Obama has applied for political asylum in Indonesia.
Obama and his Teleprompter spoke at a news conference at the airport in Jakarta, in front of Air Force One. “The Republicans have staged an illegal coup in the United States, overthrowing the House of Representatives and nearly taking control of the Senate. I am under attack, and I fear for my safety should I return to the United States.”
Obama says he wants the United Nations to investigate the recent elections, saying that there must have been serious fraud behind the Republican victories. “It was a Republican tsunami. And as the people of Indonesia know all too well, tsunamis are never a good thing. To think that the Republicans would use one for their cynical political gains is simply unacceptable.” He hoped that the UN would find enough evidence of Republican fraud to overturn the election, and cited the overwhelming Democratic victories in 2006 and 2008 as proof — the American people simply couldn’t swing away from him that fast.
Obama said that his historic ties to Indonesia led him to seek asylum here. He spent several years of his childhood in the nation with his mother and stepfather.
Obama then ended the news conference to start a comprehensive survey of Indonesia’s golf courses. He stated that he would not rest until he had shot par on each and every one of them.