Finger in Butt Crack Sparks Knife Fight

There’s no news like local news, and this is some local news I thought everyone might enjoy. Who among us wouldn’t click the link to read a story headlined “Finger in Butt Crack Sparks Knife Fight?”

According to a police report, the unnamed suspect rubbed a finger along the victim’s butt crack, prompting her to clench her buttocks. The victim claimed the clenching caused the bed she was sitting on to break, angering the suspect.

A fight ensued in which the suspect repeatedly hit the victim before grabbing a butcher knife and threatening to kill her. According to the report, the suspect said, “Are you ready to die?”

The alleged victim called police and the suspect fled, the report stated.

Officers found no visible injuries on the woman, who refused medical attention.

It was not immediately clear if police arrested the suspect.

No further information was available.

Proving they’re willing to go the extra mile to ensure their readers had enough information, Fox 4 DFW was kind enough to include this stock photo.


Frankly, if a woman is capable of collapsing a bed by clenching her buttocks I’d probably be inclined to hold her at bay with a butcher knife until I could flee too.

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