Why I voted Republican

I voted Republican because the only good foreigner is one somewhere else with a nuclear-tipped Minuteman targeted in his general vicinity. And the kids really love riding out at the polo club.

I voted Republican because I don’t want to wait in line behind some blue-collar schlub or minority for the latest medical treatments. Plus I got involved with the local party through the North Texas Food Bank.

I threatened to do a whole silly post of these, but we’ll go with a different kind of silly at least interspersed amongst the “I voted” silly. Or vice versa. Which is, as I understand it, versa of which we as Republicans should seek some sort of prohibition. Like pornography, which is far too accessible to youths nowadays. The underwear section of the Sears was good enough for me and it’s good enough for kids today. I could never fill out a pair of jockeys like those guys. I almost lost it when my buddy showed me his Marshall Fields catalog.

Early on in these D vs. R tit for tats the old “tax cuts for the wealthy” chestnut gets dusted off. Republicans just want to see the rich get richer. Well, yeah. As opposed to wanting to see them get poorer?

I voted Democrat because at some point people become so successful the government must step in and take some of their earnings to redistribute to less successful people. And if I just pretended to feign interest in their bullshit causes the liberal chicks at college were always ready to give it up.

What does he do, this man you seek? He covets. This is what happens when you get your knowledge of economics from Monopoly. There’s only one winner and three losers. The improvident and unfortunate need the government has to step in and spread the wealth. Why should the race always be to the swift or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them?

I’m all for tax income cuts for the rich. And Estate tax cuts. And capital gains tax cuts. I don’t believe a person should be taxed at a higher rate once his income or wealth reaches some arbitrarily determined amount. Progressives support progressive taxation – progressive meaning incrementally larger – because progressives require a progressively larger amount of funds to progressively assume greater control over every facet of your daily life.

Salt. Washington thinks you don’t know how much salt is good for you, and even if you do but don’t care they’re going to make sure you get less. Surely even our progressive friends can agree that a government large and intrusive enough to substitute its judgment in place of consumer demand needs to take fewer tax dollars and do little less.

I voted Democrat because HEY! PUT DOWN THOSE GODDAMNED POTATO CHIPS YOU FAT IGNORANT, IRRATIONAL, FAT BLOATED SACK OF SHIT! And John Stewart is the only person on the news who tells it like it is.

It wasn’t all that long ago that Progressives ditched their old moniker of Liberal. It had been tainted by the likes of Rush Limbaugh, so the story goes, and it better reflected their desire for progress. Frankly, I think they just wanted to shed any last vestige of liberty from their lexicon. Liberty stands in the way of progress. And we can’t fix America if we let liberty stand in the way of progress.

Because, really, how good of a campaign slogan is, Your anti-liberty/high-tax voice in Washington? I know my chest would be bursting with pride if I saw the leaders of my party guffawing over the Constitution like it was a pile of dogshit in the path of Bigfoot.

In the name of progress, of course. Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll get that carbon tax to drive our energy prices progressively higher and that Value Added Tax to make everything else progressively more expensive.

Seriously, other than abortions is there any area where Democrats are fighting for more freedom?

I voted Republican because I’ve lived in a deep red state all my life and other than fighting the occasional bothersome (and federally extorted mandated, I might add) seat belt ticket Republicans pretty much leave me alone. And I don’t begrudge my fellow Americans a bit of success.

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Liberalism: A Bottomless Pit Of Lies And Liars