Death By Teabag?

I have a confession to make. When the whole “Tea Party” thing first started, i was tremendously excited. I thought it was all about me. And while I richly deserve such accolades, it was a bit surprising.

I was quite disappointed when I discovered that it wasn’t all about me. But lately, I’ve been a bit relieved. After all, those “teabaggers” are scary dangerous.

First up, there’s that guy who attacked the Pentagon yesterday. He’s got “Tea Party” written all over him. A Bush-hating 9/11 truther and pothead who…

Actually, that sounds like Michael Moore.

Well, then, there’s the the nutjob who flew his plane into the IRS offices in Texas. Upset about taxes? What could be more Tea Party friendly?

Until you take into account that he had been caught cheating on his taxes, and his suicide note was decidedly pro-socialist and anti-capitalist to the point where I’ve been calling him “The Commiekaze.”

Which sounds an awful lot like several members of Obama’s Cabinet.

OK, then. How about the rioters in California? The ones tearing up UC Berkeley? Ain’t they upset about the tax situation there?

Yeah — they’re upset that the taxes aren’t higher and the state isn’t giving them more stuff for free.

All right. Then how about that census worker found hanged in the woods in Kentucky? Surely it was those anti-government Tea Party nuts who strung up Bill Sparkman?

Sorry, that was an attempt at suicide (successful) and insurance fraud (unsuccessful).

There was that one guy who got beat up at a Tea Party. That shows they’re violent!

No, the guy who was sent to the hospital was a Tea Partier, and the thugs who put him there are proud members in good standing of President Obama’s favorite union, the Service Employees International Union. Plus it happened at a Town Hall gathering, not a Tea Party.

Look, I know these Tea Party people are scary dangerous racist anti-government nutjobs. I keep reading it in the papers, seeing it on TV and reading about it on the internets. And they wouldn’t keep saying that if it wasn’t true, would they?

Help me out, folks. Show me where these Tea Party nutjobs have been causing havoc and mayhem and carnage with their crusades, ‘cuz I’m not finding any on my own.

And believe me, I’ve looked.

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