Boy Shoots Own Eye Out in Freak Christmas Accident

HOHMAN, INDIANA- In a tragic turn of events, an elementary school student is spending his Christmas in the hospital. The child, whose name has not been released to the press, was rushed to Hohman County Hospital early Christmas morning.

Wishing to remain anonymous, his mother released a statement to news organizations explaining the circumstances of her son’s injury. “He had just received an official Red Rider carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells time. He ran outside to test it out and I told him to be careful.

“After a few minutes of letting my young son play unsupervised with a weapon that I believed could cause him serious injury, I didn’t hear him outside. I left the turkey and looked outside to see if he was all right. But he was just laying in the snow.

“At first I thought maybe he had been hit with a falling icicle because those things are known to kill. Yet when I looked at him closely, I saw no evidence of an icicle. Just him holding his BB gun. And then I knew.”

The hospital is reporting that the student will make a recovery, and that there is a good chance that he will see in his right eye again.

A stunned father spoke to reporters outside his son’s ER room. “I had one when I was eight years old,” he said, grief-stricken. “I never thought this would happen. A kid with one eye… that could make his life at Warren G. Harding Elementary School a veritable hell.

“I’m so ashamed.”

Waking briefly from a drug-induced coma, the student remarked that it was “the worst Christmas present he has ever received, and would ever receive.” He then drifted off to sleep, pinging ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots in his dreams.

Cross-linked at Jumping in Pools

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