Save the Sea Kittens!

As if the lobster empathy center wasn’t enough, PETA has unveiled their newest ridiculous campaign: Save the Sea Kittens!

(In case you haven’t heard, sea kittens are what we’re supposed to call FISH now.)

People don’t seem to like fish. They’re slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads–which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you’re swimming, and the big ones–well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by.

Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guy–stat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You’ve done enough damage, buddy. We’ve got it from here. And we’re going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it’s time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?

They even have fun little stories for the kiddos, to get them on board with the Save the Sea Kitten movement. Here’s an example of one:

Sally is a Sea Kitten with an attitude! While all the other Sea Kittens are washing themselves or chasing balls of yarn, Sally is busy swimming upstream to see where life will take her next.

Unfortunately, years of watching her friends and family being hooked through the mouth and dragged into a harsh, alien world above have driven her mad with grief.

Bitter and insane, she spends her days plotting revenge against the Land Kittens who live such happy lives in comfortable homes, free from the terror of being eaten.

The only thing smart about this campaign is that PETA has decided to market it towards childen, because no adult would ever take this seriously — aside from the wackjobs at PETA, of course. So maybe if children grow up loving the Sea Kittens, they’ll never know how wonderfully delicious salmon with a ginger-soy marinade can be. MMMM.

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