Next up: Soylent Green

Oh man, I don’t know whether to applaud the ingenuity or recoil in horror. For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he liposuctioned from patients into biodiesel to fuel his Ford SUV and his girlfriend’s Lincoln Navigator. Just when you think the environmental movement can’t get any kookier, someone from California leads the charge in turning the quest for renewable sources of energy into an even greater farce.

Greenies like the fact that waste, such as coffee grounds and french-fry grease, can be turned into power. “The vast majority of my patients request that I use their fat for fuel–and I have more fat than I can use,” Bittner wrote on “Not only do they get to lose their love handles or chubby belly but they get to take part in saving the Earth.” Bittner’s lipodiesel Web site is no longer online.

Using fat to fuel cars might be environmentally friendly, but it’s definitely illegal in California to use human medical waste to power vehicles, and Bittner is being investigated by the state’s public health department.
There was show on Discovery Channel, Dirty Jobs maybe, where the host followed around a guy who got used grease from restaurants and turned it into biodiesel. He cracked wise about loving to drive around because his biodiesel exhaust smelled like french fries. What the hell did Dr. Bittner’s cars smell like? A cross between Rosie O’Donnell’s armpits and burnt hair? I’m getting queasy thinking about it.

Attorney Andrew Besser, who represents three patients, says the assistant and girlfriend removed too much fat from clients and left them disfigured. Dozens of other patients have complained to the state medical board, Besser says. The board is investigating Bittner but declined to comment.

The investigations, however, might go nowhere: Bittner closed his practice, Beverly Hills Liposculpture, in November and moved to South America to do volunteer work at a clinic, according to a note on his Web site. Besser says Bittner likely fled the country because of the investigations.
Hey, what’s a body supposed to do when the price of oil spikes? Trade the SUV for a Prius? A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do when the needle’s on empty.

Left unchecked, it’s easy enough to see environmental extremists whole-heartedly embracing humans as a source of fuel. If not in a “Bring out your dead!” chuck ’em into the incinerator way at least by making energy so expensive we’re forced to return to the ways of the noble indian. Malthus is alive and well in many corners of the environmental movement, so advocating depopulation for the sake of saving the planet isn’t too far fetched. As U.S. Agency for International Development official Edwin Cohn said, people in the third world were “better [off] dead than alive and riotously reproducing.”

So when you reach for that third helping at Christmas dinner tomorrow, just remind yourself that those candied yams might someday help save the Earth by powering an SUV.

This Christmas, In Memoriam: My Friend, Barbara.
Doggone dog gone