My wife and I cannot have children.
For reasons beyond our control, it is the will of Heaven that it is an impossibility. We have thoroughly researched every type of fertility possibility: Artificial insemination, In-Vitro, even floating the idea of a surrogate mother. But for reasons personally, medically, and financially, we’ve come to the conclusion that none of these options are viable.
For those reasons, adoption seemed to be the only possible conclusion. In the world of adoption, there are mainly three choices: Fost-Adopt, Domestic adoption, and International adoption. Each has it’s own special circumstances, ranging from the physical and emotional health of the child, to astronomical amounts of money incurred by agencies which are supposed to “help” with the process.
We had taken classes to become foster parents. Six weeks worth of information. A crash course in what is involved in taking on a foster child. Most, if not all, of these poor kids have physical and/or emotional problems of the highest magnitude, some being fetally addicted to drugs, most having severe anger issues which physically manifests itself, and some having terrible physical disabilities. The classes are not for the faint of heart. To see what has happened to these poor, innocent kids is heart-wrenching, and to see how pervasive it is is abominable.
We were placed in the “Fost-Adopt” program, where the ultimate goal would be to adopt the child after you’ve fostered them for a pre-determined amount of time. We found, however, that during this time, if a member of the birth-parent’s family decided they wanted to take the child, we would, by law, have to give up this child that we most assuredly would have taken to be our own.
I, nor my wife, would be able to endure this type of separation, so we decided to drop out of the program.
Left with the choice of Domestic adoption or International adoption, we choose the latter for various reasons. We found an agency that deals exclusively with Chinese adoptions, as we felt this to be a noble choice, because, for reasons I will not go into, these children, left to the Chinese government, end up leading horrific lives.
The process is long and emotionally taxing. Reams of documents, initial deposits of large sums of money, and at least for me, the frightening aspect of having to live in China for up to 2 months, led us to mutually abandon this venture.
Domestic adoption is not much easier, and certainly not as easy as it used to be. The amount of money a couple has to pay an agency can be in excess of $30,000. And though there are tax credits for adoptive parent, the initial outlay of money is an unfortunate hurdle.
Yes, we’ve had “options”. And yes, we’ve willingly decided to not pursue them. That is our choice, and may be our sadness to bare. We may still, in the future, persue such options, but for now, it seems our destiny is set.
I honestly don’t know why I wrote this, let alone published it to a website, but, for some reason, I just wanted too.
It is unfortunate that those couples who choose to adopt need to jump through hoops and pay exorbitant amounts of money to agencies whose sole focus is, really, turning a profit. I’d almost say it would be better for the government to run such processes, but, then I come to my senses and realize what a calamity that would be.
I think this is one of the reasons, among many, that I feel so strongly that abortion is such a sorrowful avenue to travel. So many people who can have children give up the blessing like so many missed gifts that invisibly pass us by. And all for the sake of “inconvenience”.
I wonder, If they only knew.
I often think of what my life will be like when I am old, and unable to take care of myself. There may likely be no children to take care of me.. Nobody with which to spend my final days. Nobody left to love as I pass on. Just God and me.
If you have children, please consider yourselves blessed. Give them a special hug. God willing, they will be there with you at the end.