Health Care Crisis? Problem Solved!

On a rare Friday off, with nothing to do, I watched “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” on AMC (that movie still spooks me out.). While watching this, I believe I may have come across the answer to our nation’s health care crisis, and that answer has been directed at us loud and clear for quite some time.

A commercial. But not just any commercial. One with a message so profoundly important, it has the potential to change the landscape of the U.S. health care system forever. And it’s been endorsed by one of the most respected insurance icons of the 20th century.

That’s right. Mr. Billy Mays. Endorser of such life-transforming products like “Mighty Putty” and “The Awesome Auger”, has lent his considerable name power and insurance knowledge in answer to one of the most important national issues of our time.

That answer is known as “ICan Healthcare“. Years of hard work and determination by Billy have been spent on producing this transformative health care program, and if the success of his past product endorsements is any indication, our “health care crisis” will soon go the way of the rotary phone and conservatism.

Billy, also known by his mother and friends as the “Human Bullhorn”, shares with the audience that “affordable health insurance is something” which he is “really passionate about.”. And who can argue that? This man has voluntarily entered a wind tunnel to test the bonding strength of “Mighty Mendit” when applied to a torn U.S. flag. He’s endorsed “The BeDazzler”, a product that revolutionized the way rhinestones were applied to garments. And his second most important endorsement, “The Big City Slider Station”, which has been deemed “the mini-burger sensation that’s sweeping the nation!”, helped to make mini-burgers a household name.

An impressive resume? Yes.

So, worry not, my fellow Americans. Billy Mays is looking out for you.

And don’t forget! When you call, tell ’em “Billy sent ya!”.

By Shawn Mallow

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