Mommy Dearest

I have a good friend who isn’t overly politically inclined. He’s started to educate himself a bit, but for the mos part he views politics like how I view sports — something that other people get excited over for no readily comprehensible reason.

Well, he might not be interested in politics, but it’s interested in him.

Recently, he got a call from his mother. His mother is a retired schoolteacher, and I think you can guess what that says about her politics.

Yup. She’s a Democrat.

And more importantly, she’s a militant Democrat. She has informed her son that if he doesn’t vote for Barack Obama, she’ll disown him. And she backed up her demand with a bunch of the now-standard bullshit anti-Palin talking points — she cut funding for special needs students (she actually nearly tripled it as part of an overall education budgeting reform), she cut funding for pregnant teens (she actually more than tripled that one), and so on.

My friend is in a bit of a jam. Obviously, he loves and respects his mother, and does not wish to be disowned. On the other hand, from me he knows that most of what she said was pure BS. And if he argues with her, he will only risk alienating her.

I did the only thing a true friend could do: I told him to lie.

Fortunately, the rules that the Democrats want to use for union organizers don’t apply to actual, real elections, so we still have a secret ballot. So I told him that come November, he should go vote for whoever he likes — or not at all — and then tell his mother that he voted for Obama (and, hopefully, that he’s terribly disappointed that he lost).

And then he should tell his mother that, since they’re already talking, he wants to reassure her that he never had sex before he was married, and he’s never had sex outside of his marriage. And he also listened to her and never smoked, never drank, and never tried illegal drugs.

He said he’ll probably follow the first part of my advice. I’d rather not repeate his response to the rest of it.

Thoughts for the Day
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