Knuckleheads Of The Day (New Hampshire Edition)

Sorry, Bill, but you haven’t posted a “Knucklehead Of The Day” for today, so I’m stealing it.

Well, right here in New Hampshire we got a couple of prize boneheads that really, really deserve scorn and derision and mockery on a national — nay, international scale.

First up, we got a couple of select imports. A New Hampshire college student from Massachusetts had to get fished out of frigid waters after he tried to ride an inflatable kiddie pool over a dam. Apparently Alex Perry, 19, of Westborough, MA (a student at Keene State College) didn’t notice that 1) the waters rushing over the dam turned into an almost-whirlpool after the four-foot drop, and B) the water was about 40 degrees. His soggy, frosty ass was hauled out by rescuers — who also had to save a woman who had jumped in to help Perry, and two weeks ago rescued a kayaker (also from Massachusetts) from the same area.

Here’s a little hint, folks: the rivers are so high because of spring runoff. And “spring runoff” is another term for “melted snow.” It’s still cold as hell, even if the air temps are hitting the 70s and 80s.

And, for god’s sake, an inflatable kiddie pool is NOT a good craft for taking over a dam.

Next up, we have the head of the PTO for one of Manchester’s schools. As is often the case, there’s a fight going on about the school budget. The city is looking to economize, while the teachers and administrators want more and more and more money. Well, the PTO for the Weston Elementary School whipped up a letter for parents, outlining just why they think the city should give them more money this year.

Then, to show their dedication to economizing, they didn’t mail it out. They sent it home with the students, to save on postage.

Bad move. The school board has a very specific rule (and I think it’s a good one): you do NOT use students as couriers for political messages.

And make no mistake about it: this message was very, very political:

The one-page, unsigned letter is addressed to “Weston Parents” with the headline: “EXTREMELY IMPORTANT ~ PLEASE READ.”

The letter lists the city’s 14 aldermen and their contact information.

“I urge every parent, guardian, aunt, uncle, grandmother and grandfather to place a call to their Alderman or send an email voicing their concerns as soon as possible,” read the letter, in part.

“Please let the decision makers know that we cannot tolerate such a drastic decrease in the funding for our children’s education.”

The letter also urged people to attend an April 28 public forum on the school district budget at Memorial High School.

The letter’s authors have not made any comments. Apparently they didn’t include their contact information in the letter (or their names, for that matter), and are ducking for cover. If one or two of them lose their jobs over this, I would not be heartbroken.

In other New Hampshire school news, a Concord principal confiscated a cell phone from a student. When a text message came in apparently looking for drugs, she impersonated the phone’s owner and arranged for a meeting. When the little idiot showed up looking to score some pot, he was instead greeted by the police.

Finally, we have a third story. This one doesn’t fit the “knucklehead” theme, and it’s not from New Hampshire, but it’s too odd to not put in here.

It’s more of a “there but for the grace of god go I” story — because I can see myself being sorely tempted to do the same thing.

Welliston Froes of Everett, Massachusetts, is a food delivery guy. Recently, he was robbed of almost $200 while doing a delivery. Later, he saw his robber. He didn’t call the cops, though — he did what a lot of us would be tempted to do:

He robbed the guy back.

Froes pretended to have a gun and demanded his $200 back from the dirtbag. The guy only had $160 on him, so Froes took that.

But then the thief proved himself a true knucklehead, and called the cops to report that his victim had stolen his own money back.

Mr. Froes is currently facing armed robbery charges, but there is some speculation that the cops deliberately overcharged him to get the case tossed out. And it appears that the original robber is going uncharged.

This is a time when we see that “justice” and “Massachusetts” are often incompatible. Froes should not be charged with stealing his own money back, and the “victim” is the one who ought to be in jail.

I guess in this case, it’s the Massachusetts judicial system that fits the “knucklehead” moniker. Froes apparently knew that the legal system wouldn’t get him his money back (at least in any timely fashion), and the original robber knew he wouldn’t be putting himself at too much legal risk in reporting that he had been robbed by his victim, who “stole” his own money back. But only in Massachusetts, I think, could a crime victim be charged for righting his wronging and the original thief go free.

No honor among thieves
From North Korea, With Love