Hoo boy. Friday, Jim Addison posted a piece on Ron Paul’s choosing to endorse the John Birch Society, and that brought out the Paulbots in hordes. One of them, “Mike,” was so incensed that he not only posted a comment, but cut and pasted it to the “Tips” e-mail box so none of us would be spared his wrath.
Good thing he did, too — I didn’t read his comment, but I did read his e-mail.
Someone who gets so incensed over an article like Mr. Addison’s deserves a serious answer.
I probably should have given him one.
Instead, I answered him thusly:
We here at Wizbang deeply regret Mr. Addison’s blasphemous writings against your lord and savior, Ron Paul (Blessed be His name). His remarks were hateful and demeaning and, worst of all, revealed sacred truths that must not be uttered by heretical scum like him. We can only be grateful that he stopped before discussing the taboo subjects of The Divine One’s revelation of the true differentiation of the races as revealed in His newsletters of the 80s and 90s, and His enlightenment of the masses about The Troooth of the 9/11 attacks — that it was not Al Qaeda alone that engineered the slaughter of over 3,000 Americans, but the US government itself played a hand in the destruction of the World Trade Center Towers and the attack on the Pentagon, replacing the airliners with missiles and bombs and bodily assuming the planes into Heaven.
For his heresy, Mr. Addison will be burned at the stake as an example to those who would question Mr Paul’s Messiahhood (blessed be His name). As a surprise bonus, the winner of this week’s Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest will be given the honor of lighting the flames that will sent Mr. Addison to his well-deserved fate — the earthly flames that we consign him to will be naught but a preview of the eternal flames of Perdition that will wrack his soul.
So should be the fate of all who speak out against Him.
Yours in Ron,
Main Page Editor
P.S.: Get a fucking life. Find something more productive to do than Google up “Ron Paul” (or respond, Pavlovian, to others who do) and attack those who dare voice opinions of which you don’t approve. Hell, go masturbate or something. That’s essentially what you’re doing here, with this letter. Don’t settle for the imitation, go for the real thing — it’s a hell of a lot more likely to gain you satisfaction than sending out barely-literate frothings (what the hell does “Ron Paul is fighting to people less laws” mean, anyway?) that only confirm the viewpoint that an unhealthy majority of Ron Paul’s followers are — for lack of a better term — fucking nuts?