"Trust Me!"

Last week, one of the diarists over at Daily Kos named “KibbutzAmiad” published the results of a year-long study of Little Green Footballs and Free Republic. To my great astonishment, Kibby discovered that the authors and commenters of those sites are evil, hateful, sexist, homophobic, racist, vile, depraved, delusional, and probably mean to puppies and kittens.

This is a remarkable coincidence. A mere one day and two years before Kibby published that study, another Kos Kiddie named “Maccabee” published a very similar piece. That one, however, studied ten blogs — including this one. I took that author to task for his very shoddy research, and think I did a pretty thorough job.

Then, last September, “Maccabee” published another article — this one cited a US Navy sailor who reported that the US Navy was on the verge of launching an attack on Iran. There were so many flaws in that story that it was instantly torn apart and revealed as an utter fabrication — and such a bad fabrication that the Powers That Be deleted the article and banned the author.

Now it’s a new January, and we have another Jewish-named Kos diarist who has claimed to make an extensive study of right-wing blogs. The conclusion is much the same, as is the refusal to cite any of the alleged extensive supporting evidence.

I’m tempted to blame this on the television writer’s strike. Why else would Kos be running this rerun?

But in an even more astonishing coincidence, this study by Kibby came out just as I was finishing my own lengthy study. I reviewed the last seventeen years of the Daily Kos, as well as Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf and the classic anti-Semitic forgery, The Protocols Of The Elders Of Zion. And below the fold I am publishing the results of that study.

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• First up, there is the common thread of Anti-Semitism. It seems that the Jews are heavily involved in pretty much everything that goes wrong around the world. Sometimes the names change — “Jew” becomes “Zionist” becomes “neocon” — but the underlying sentiment remains the same.
• Then there’s the obsession with freedom. But it’s highly directed — only those who truly “deserve” freedom are entitled to absolute freedom. Those who are not worthy — usually identified by their dissent from the obvious enlightenment of the deserving — have virtually no rights whatsoever.
• Also, that sort of freedom is rather oddly circumscribed. Sexual freedom is one of their biggest issues. They believe that anyone should have the right to do whatever they like with their naughty bits, whenever and wherever they wish, and anyone who expresses disapproval or offense is being brutally suppressive. The exception here, of course, is when one of those whom they dislike try to exercise those rights — they must be exposed and mocked and derided and hounded and scorned.
• There’s also a remarkable dichotomy when it comes to language. Profanity is not only tolerated, but welcomed. A good cussing is a great icebreaker, and a way of quickly bonding. But it must be based on scatalogical or sexual references; terms that denigrate racial, national, sexual, or other forms of identity are brutally suppressed. For example (and I apologize to the language) here, a reference to a “motherfucking cocksucker” would pass without mention, but a mention of even the most mild of racial terms — “macaca,” for example, or sometimes a reference to “rejiggering” or “niggardly” or “spic and span” — drives them into absolute paroxysms of fury.
• The grand conspiracy is also a key element. There are great forces moving throughout the world, tying together disparate events into some diabolical master plan that, in the end, will result in the plotters garnering great wealth and power and influence. And the people who discover these plots are braving great danger in exposing these schemes.
• There is also a cliquish element to them. There is a brotherhood (I’m sorry — “familiality” — “brotherhood” is a sexist term) among the cognoscenti, a sense of common cause, of “us against them.”
• But woe betide those that depart from the orthodoxy. The backers of the Protocols, the believers of Mein Kampf, the Kossacks are all united in brutally turning on those who do not subscribe to every aspect of the established doctrine — even (and especially) when it changes. Those who do not keep up with the latest updates run the risk of being cast out and castigated and treated even worse than the nominal enemies. Because as bad as the enemies are, even worse are the traitors.

Phew. That’s just the barest overview. I barely touched the surface of the 83 megabytes of the notes I compiled, which would take about seven reams of paper were I to print them out. They’re full of quotes, citations, links, and all the necessary evidence I need to back up my conclusion: the people I studied are among the nastiest, meanest, cruelest, dumbest, most vicious, most despicable, most loathsome, most contemptible, and just plain icky ever to curse the earth.

Out of consideration for all of you, though, I’m not going to show you any of this extensive proof. It’s just too nasty; I wouldn’t want to inflict that on you.

But you can trust me. I have it, and it proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that every single thing I say is true. If anything, I have understated the case.

But if you insist, go on over to Kos and poke around. If you don’t find proof that what I say is true, go looking through the Protocols and Mein Kampf, and their devotees. Look hard enough, and you’ll find it.

Don’t bother, though. Just trust me. Just take my word for it. Don’t go to the trouble of thinking for yourself, of evaluating my mind-bendingly thorough research and mind-bogglingly thorough documentation. Remember, I had to force myself to wade through all of it, and I’m still scarred by the experience — there’s no need for you to suffer like that, too.

The Knuckleheads of the Day award
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