I’ve Got A Little List…

Last week we had Veterans Day and the birthday of the Marine Corps, and there was appropriate commemoration of both events. And in that last week, a few lists came to mind that seemed especially timely.

First up, Ralph Peters wrote an opinion piece for the American Legion Magazine where he explored a dozen myths of modern warfare, and refuted each quite effectively.

Next, “Viper,” a Marine Captain, observed the Corps’ 232nd birthday with 232 reasons for Marines to be proud. It’s worth reading the whole list, but here are a few of the ones that struck me as the most impressive:

50. Cpl. Gareth Hawkins, lying on a stretcher after an IED shattered his leg, demanded re-enlistment before medical evacuation. And got it.

55. As if ranks that include the words “master” and “gunnery” aren’t intimidating enough on their own, the Corps uses them both. At once.

59. The Corps was formed in a bar.

60. Marines predicted the WWII campaigns in the Pacific years earlier and prepared for the inevitable. So when a Marine says, “Hey, I’ve been thinking .” perhaps you should take notes.

61. Give a Marine some free time, and he’ll rip down your dictator’s statue.

73. Bill Barnes. In June, the former Marine beat the crap out of a 27-year-old pickpocket who tried to make off with his dough. Oh yeah, he’s 72.

93. John Lovell. A 71-year-old former Marine is sitting in a Subway restaurant when two armed men try to rob the place. Lovell grabs his .45, kills one and wounds the other. No word on how Lovell’s sandwich fared.

162. Former Sgt. Chris Everhart. While camping with his three sons in June 2007, a bear snatched their cooler and made a play for his 6-year-old.
Everhart threw an 18-inch log at the bear’s head, cracking its skull before it could attack and killing it instantly. Then, the park ranger gave him a ticket for leaving the cooler where the bear could get it.

166. If you ambush Capt. Brian Chontosh’s boys, he’s going to take off his Navy Cross and kill you. Then, he’s going to pick up your rifle and kill your buddies. Then, he’s going to pick up your buddy’s rifle and kill your buddy’s buddies. Then, he’s going to pick up a rocket-propelled grenade launcher.

And finally, no military list is complete without including a link to “The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army.” Compiled (mostly from personal experience) by former Specialist Jonathan “Skippy” Schwartz, it has to be the greatest list of subversive, perverted, disgusting, and insane notions ever conceived by a member of the armed forces. I’m not going to quote a single one of Skippy’s list here — it has to be read in its entirety to be properly appreciated.

Crud, I forgot the link to Viper’s list. Added now. Thanks, Boyd…

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