Well, That About Wraps It Up For God (And Politics)

I’ve often cited P. J. O’Rourke’s “Parliament Of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts To Explain The Entire U. S. Government” as one of the greatest influences on my political beliefs. With DJ’s piece yesterday, I’m starting to wonder if I’m not the only Wizbanger who can say that.

DJ wrote “The God Who Votes.” PJ’s Preface to “Parliament Of Whores” is titled “Why God Is A Republican and Why Santa Claus Is A Democrat.” I’m going to quote a bit of that here, as a sort-of response to DJ’s piece:

But although this is a conservative book, it is not informed by any very elaborate political theory. I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is that God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, a middle-aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men strictly accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well-being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and literally holds the mortgage on everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God’s heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He’s cute. He’s nonthreatening. He’s always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without thought of a quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he’s famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.

I know it’s odd for a declared agnostic like me to so favorably quote something that affirms the existence of God, but that pretty much sums it up. Well, that and a couple other PJ quotes, conveniently put on the back of my copy of Parliament Of Whores:

Democrats are… the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller, and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government can’t work, and then they get elected and prove it.

And this one says it all:

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

(Got your copy yet, Oyster?)

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