9/11? What's 9/11?

As you may very well know, dear reader, The New York Times, in its indefatigable wisdom, has decided to abandon its stupid “Times Select” program, which stopped the non-subscribing riff-raff from accessing the Gray Lady’s opinion columns. As a result, even the poorest amongst us can revel in the collective sagacity of Maureen Dowd and Bob Herbert. Oh, and they say nothing good in life is free!

Accordingly, dear reader, it is with great excitement that we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” turned to today’s op-ed page of the Times on-line, to see what sort of e-genius our parsimony was previously forcing us to miss. And we were not disappointed.

Some fellow named Thomas Friedman, who, strangely enough, appears to believe that the earth is flat, penned a column deliciously entitled “9/11 Is Over.” As a chronological statement, that isn’t exactly news. As insight into the ostrich-esque predilections of the American Left, however, it’s a real doozy.

Here, for example, are a few of Mr. Friedman’s sentiments:

Times columnists are not allowed to endorse candidates, but there’s no rule against saying who will not get my vote: I will not vote for any candidate running on 9/11. We don’t need another president of 9/11. We need a president for 9/12. I will only vote for the 9/12 candidate.

What does that mean? This: 9/11 has made us stupid. I honor, and weep for, all those murdered on that day. But our reaction to 9/11 — mine included — has knocked America completely out of balance, and it is time to get things right again.

It is not that I thought we had new enemies that day and now I don’t. Yes, in the wake of 9/11, we need new precautions, new barriers. But we also need our old habits and sense of openness. For me, the candidate of 9/12 is the one who will not only understand who our enemies are, but who we are….

We can’t afford to keep being this stupid! We have got to get our groove back. We need a president who will unite us around a common purpose, not a common enemy. Al Qaeda is about 9/11. We are about 9/12, we are about the Fourth of July — which is why I hope that anyone who runs on the 9/11 platform gets trounced.

Ah, yes: “Al Qaeda is about 9/11. We are about 9/12.” Let’s just forget about nasty old Osama bin Laden, can’t we? Also, why not drop this whole business about illegal immigration? Oh, and concern for the economy–let’s just drop that, eh? And, while we’re at it, how about we bury our heads in the sand?

Mr. Friedman may say he wants the country to be “about 9/12,” as he mellifluously puts it. But, in reality, he pines for the country to return to 9/10. Our liberal friends wish that Islamofascism would just disappear–or, failing that, that we pretend that it disappeared. If only the world worked like that.

(Note: The crack young staff normally “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently supporting presidential candidates who’ll pretend that the Cold War never took place.)

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