The Perfect Boob

No, this isn’t about Mahmoud Ahmadinehad, or Chavez, or even Howard Dean. It’s about the good kind. And with all the bad news in the world, we can certainly use a story that is perky and uplifting.

Modern science has discovered the precise formula for perfect female breasts. A leading cosmetic surgeon has done the research and will present his findings at conclave of plastic surgeons in London this week, reports Daniel Martin for the Daily Mail:

The key aesthetic elements are nipple position and the proportion between the upper and lower halves of the breast, he said.

“The ideal is a 45 to 55 per cent proportion – that is the nipple sits not at the half-way mark down the breast, but at about 45 per cent from the top.”

Read it all at the link above. That translates to 81° for those of you who carry protractors around just in case . . . Now, lest this seem like some soft, cushy job, remember this poor man has had to look at literally thousands of breasts in order to discover these important facts. For instance:

Patrick Mallucci spent many hours poring over photos of topless models in lads magazines and tabloid newspapers to formulate his theory.

Now, that‘s dedication! No hiring researchers and hitting Happy Hours for this chap – he’s a real “hands-on” guy.

Of course, sometimes in our headlong rush into progress, we fail to think through the social implications. What if Mallucci is able to patent his new creation, for example?

We’ll try to keep you abreast of developments.

UPDATE: At least one guy is making preparations . . .

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