In a stunning development, a group of Columbia University college students rushed the stage during the speech by Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, taking him and his entourage hostage.
The students, calling themselves Students for a Democratic Society in honor of the 60’s radical group, have issued their demands.
“It’s the spirit of ’79, bro!” the leader, calling himself “Che’ Anything,” said. “We are demanding real, democratic reform in Iran — free elections, the separation of church and state, real rights for the people.”
Campus security immediately took charge of the situation, but were overruled by federal officials who pronounced their great concern over the matter and announced they were prepared to wait out the student radicals.
“The last thing we want here is any sort of violence or conflict,” hostage negotiator Ernest Stalling said. “We’re here for the long haul, and we’re prepared to wait them out.”
“Cool!” responded “Che Anything” upon being told about the siege. “We ain’t looking for any fights, and we have enough grub and stuff to hold out for over a year. We had a scare during the planning stage, when we put a Sheryl Crowe fan in charge of buying the TP, but we caught that in time.”
“They wanna wait us out? No prob. We said our piece, Iran knows what they gotta do if they want Ahmadinnerjacket back, everything’s cool.”
And what will happen if Iran does not yield to the new SDS demands? “Dunno, dude. Get back to us in 444 days, and we’ll see.”