Dan Rather To Sue CBS For Hiring Him

Dan Rather has announced that he is filing a second lawsuit against CBS, this one for hiring him in the first place.

“CBS, by taking me on as a reporter, set the stage for everything that followed. My rise up the ladder to eventually becoming the evening anchor and ‘face’ of CBS News are all based on that initial, flawed judgment.”

Further, Rather alleges, CBS’ failure to rein him in after previous incidents — including the 1988 “The Wall Within” report, where he interviewed six veterans about their Viet Nam experiences, but five of them had never been in Viet Nam, and the sixth was not a 16-year-old SEAL, but most likely a mechanic — led to his ultimate downfall.

“Had they fired me before — or, at least, more strongly disciplined me — I would never have been so arrogant as to try to foist those obvious forgeries as legitimate in 2004. Er, I mean, those fake but accurate memos. Which no one has conclusively proven were fakes.”

A CBS official, speaking on conditions of anonymity, expressed concern. “Rather’s suit for firing him is a no-go, but this one has serious legs. If we had never hired him, none of this would have happened.”

Rather, in his suit, is demanding 57 kajillion dollars and that CBS refer to him on the air from now on as “Queen Of The Space Unicorns.”

Gingrich will run - for $30 million
A World Gone Mad