The shortage of real men

Brace yourself folks, for yet another un-important story for today! Hopefully Lee Ward won’t get too excited this time around, since, you know, every post ever published has to be about the most urgent, pressing news stories of the day.

I came across a post today that apparently is about five years old. It’s an essay called “The Pussification of the Western Male”, written by Kim du Toit (I know it’s a well-known essay, but I swear, it’s my first time coming across it, just today). I read the entire thing, and loved it. There is some profanity, but it’s a great essay (if you’re easily offended, then I suggest ignoring this post). I sincerely hope he doesn’t mind my reposting a large portion of the essay here (it’s after the jump), but it really is such a great read, so be sure to follow the link to read the entire thing.

I know it’s incredibly long, but even as a woman, I loved it. I loved every word.

It is ridiculously hard to find real men today. I’ve dated every antithesis to the real man that exists. One guy was the biggest metrosexual I’ve ever encountered. He highlighted his short hair — when he asked me to do it, he complained over and over again about how pulling strands with the tiny metal hook through the cap on his head hurt his scalp so badly. He took baths, in this gigantic tub, with bath beads, bath salts, bath bubbles. He’d light candles and play Enya. He liked to shop. Apparently, he watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy a lot.

I’ve dated guys with no brains or spines of their own — they just follow the crowd, doing whatever their friends will do, without ever giving a thought for themselves. I’ve dated guys that get mad when I don’t cuddle at night, or get hurt when I don’t want to go into deep discussions about our “feelings”.

Are there honestly women out there that are attracted to these kinds of men?

My boyfriend is not one of those men (thank God). I am always shocked to find women attracted to men that take more than half an hour to get ready, or have to get all spruced up to go to the grocery store. I hate it when a guy I might be dating won’t do anything — or care — when other guys hit on me right in front of them. I just want to shake reality into them! As Kim’s wife noted, it could just be a look or a change in his stance — but a real man won’t just let it pass him by. You don’t have to go beat the asshole down, but if someone’s hitting on your woman right in front of you, do you really think you should just put up with it? I mean, it’s more than a little disrespectful to you, the so-called man in the relationship.

I don’t want a man who doesn’t know anything about sports, cars, and guns. I also don’t want a man to sit there and blather on for hours about his “feelings” — I’m the woman, not you, and that’s my department (although any kind of smart woman will try to reserve those conversations for other women only). As much as I may joke about it, it isn’t really exciting to hear about a man watching Sex and the City, or wanting to go see the latest Jennifer Lopez chick flick.

Men and women are different. If I wanted to date someone who was sensitive, emotional, stylish, cuddly, and always prepared to talk about “feelings”, I’d be a lesbian and date a damn woman. I, and I’d be willing to say most women (real women, anyways), want a real man. When I get married, my husband will be the head of the household, because that’s where he should be. It doesn’t make my thoughts or opinions any less valid or worthwhile, but he should be the one running things. Ultimately, he’s the one who should be in charge.

Real men understand honor, loyalty, camaraderie, duty, valour. They understand the difference between right and wrong, good and evil, and will stand up when needed to simply because it is what’s right. They won’t care about what the rest of the world thinks about it, because they know they’re doing the right thing. Real men are honest, respectful, and loving, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t a little rough around the edges. I’d be willing to bet they don’t want a doormat for a wife or girlfriend — a strong man will want a strong woman who can understand him.

There’s a reason men like Clint Eastwood and John Wayne have timeless appeal with men and women alike. It’s because they’re real men, men who do tough work, who get sweaty and dirty, who stand up for what’s right, who can be menacing and hard, but kind and loving at the same time. They aren’t ashamed of being men, most importantly.

We need more men in this country. I have a good feeling you could find a lot of these men in the military, and that’s probably why so many women are attracted to the man-in-uniform bit. Soldiers, firefighters, police officers — that the uniform is sexy is not because of the clothes. It’s because of what that uniform represents, and what it signifies to us.

We should be encouraging boys to be boys, not trying to feminize them (sorry, Gloria Steinem). There’s a shortage of real men in this country, and I’m lucky enough to have found one of them. We need to start encouraging men to be men again, though — otherwise, we could end up with a bunch of European girly men… like, say, in France. And that’s an ugly thought.

Hat Tip: Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler (and where the inspiration for this post based on a five-year-old essay came from)

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