Gay Marriage and Apartheid?

We, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have certainly spied our share of inane bumper stickers. “Peace Is Patriotic”; “Bush Lied, Millions Died”; “So Many Right-Wing Christians, So Few Lions”–these are the sorts of slogans on back bumpers that strike us as absurd.

Accordingly, dear reader, it is not every day–or even every other day–that we happen upon a bumper sticker that perturbs us. Yet we recently took a gander at one that was really, really special.

The bumper sticker in question read: “End Apartheid: Support Marriage Equality.” Quite frankly, this particular vehicular eyesore seemed so odd that we had to think twice about its curious message. “End Apartheid”? “Support Marriage Equality”? Doesn’t that appear to be incongruous?

Now, we must admit that the use of the word “Apartheid” in political discourse compels our eyes to glaze over. After all, our anti-Israel friends have so horrifically misused the word when applying it to Zionism that it scarcely retains any meaning. To Jimmy Carter and his dubious minions, “Apartheid” apparently means “the existence of Israel.”

We suppose it’s not surprising, then, that some of those who support gay marriage would play the “Apartheid” card, even though it is almost bizarrely inappropriate. It seems odd that gay marriage proponents would strive to misuse the very word misused by Palestinian fanatics, given the brutal ways in which the Palestinians treat homosexuals. But this is just one example of leftist politics making strange bedfellows.

Although we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” personally support gay marriage, we are routinely irked about the unfair way in which its partisans present the issue. If you ask us, those who disagree with us on this matter are not tantamount to Apartheid-backers and they aren’t evil discriminators either.

In fact, it should seem obvious that opposition to gay marriage isn’t discriminatory in the least. According to our current laws, every adult has the right to marry someone of the opposite sex. That’s right: Every adult, whether he’s straight, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, &c. This means that, by our current laws, everyone has the same exact rights. There’s no discrimination at all.

Same-sex marriage proponents–among whom we count ourselves–believe that every adult should be accorded another right: The right to marry someone of the same sex. This would serve to augment everyone’s rights, not end any sort of discrimination.

In essence, then, support for same-sex marriage amounts to support for a social transformation, one that we think desirable. Yet this sort of candor isn’t likely to garner many votes and thus some have turned to unsavory scare tactics.

By all means, support gay marriage. But don’t fool yourself into believing that you’re “Ending Apartheid” at the same time. Thankfully, Apartheid no longer exists.

(Note: The crack young staff normally “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently “destroying fascism” by picking up litter in a public park.)

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