Presidential Pop

When we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think of Bachman-Turner Overdrive, we immediately think of Hillary Clinton. We know what you’re thinking, dear reader: Me too. Yep, some things just seem to call out to one another, and surely Senator Clinton and this washed up rock group are two of those things.

Apparently Hillary Clinton agrees. For, as was reported by the Associated (with terrorists) Press, Senator Clinton chose Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s “Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” as her personal theme music at the Democratic National Committee’s winter meeting. Not content with only one song, Senator Clinton also picked “Right Here, Right Now” by Jesus Jones.

And Mrs. Clinton wasn’t the only one who chose a tune. John Edwards, solidifying the reasons we hate him, picked “This Is Our Country” by John Mellencamp. Ah, yes: So folksy and gritty. We wonder if Mr. Mellencamp’s ditty pertains to millionaire trial lawyers. If so, it’s the perfect theme for Mr. Edwards, whose time in office would surely put the US in the pockets of rich advocates.

Not to be outdone, Senator Chris Dodd chose two Temptations songs: “Get Ready (Cause Here I Come)” and “Reach Out.” If you ask us, that’s spot on: Just as most people likely don’t recall these tunes, they’ll soon have difficulty remembering Mr. Dodd’s also-ran presidential campaign.

Still, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” think that we can make even better song choices for potential Democratic presidential hopefuls. If we were campaign managers, here’s the music we’d pick:

Dennis Kucinich: “People Are Strange” by the Doors.

Joe Biden: “Talk Talk” by Talk Talk.

Edward Kennedy: “Red Red Wine” by UB40. Or “Lush Life” by Billy Strayhorn.

Tom Vilscak: “Y’all Heard of Me” by C-Murder.

Hillary Clinton: “You’re So Vain” by Carly Simon.

Howard Dean: “I Hate Israel” by Shaaban Abdel Rahin. Or “Scream” by Michael Jackson.

John Edwards: “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred.

Wesley Clark: “Crazy” by Seal. Or “Crazy” by Aerosmith. Or “Crazy” by Gnarles Barkley. Or “Crazy” by Patsy Cline. Or “Crazy” by Alanis Morissette. Or “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince.

Barack Obama: Anything in Arabic.

(Note: The crack young staff normally “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently thinking of Madeline Albright and humming the song “Detachable Penis” by King Missile.)

Al Qaeda instructs British terror cells to start kidnapping and beheading people
NCSU (led by new Coach Sidney Lowe) Upsets UNC