It may come as something of a surprise, dear reader, to see the title of this humble “post” appearing on Wizbang, the well-known right-leaning “website.” Yet we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have caught the cold that currently ravages our nation’s media elites–Obama fever–and we hope to share our reasons for supporting Senator Obama’s crusade (if that is the mot juste) to become the next President of the United States of America.
If you ask us, Senator Obama is a real rarity in American politics–a candidate who appears to stand for both everything and nothing. To some, this makes Senator Obama seem wishy-washy. Not so: Surely amidst the Senator’s myriad platitudes is a position or two you can wholeheartedly support.
For instance, take this controversial stance from Senator Obama’s best-selling book, The Audacity of Hope: “I value good manners.” Sure, that isn’t going to win him fans in the powerful Bad Manners Lobby (note the capitalization, Messrs. Mearsheimer and Walt), but it suits us just fine. In fact, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” have been supporters of good manners for as long as we can remember. Perhaps as far back as toilet training.
But Senator Obama favors more than mere etiquette. Examine this bold position on US veterans, culled from his “website”:
As a member of the Senate Veterans’ Affairs Committee, Senator Obama is committed to helping the heroes who defend our nation today and the veterans who fought in years past.
Wow: That’s our view too! We don’t want to come across as delusional, but it sounds like this guy is speaking directly to us!
Additionally, we should add that Senator Obama has a way with history. In the pages of the Wall Street Journal, columnist Peggy Noonan quotes Senator Obama as saying the he longs for the days when the US enjoyed “the near unanimity forged by the Cold War, and the Soviet threat.”
Huh: We seem to recall that Cold War paleo-liberals of Senator Obama’s ilk were dead set on denying the existence of a Soviet threat, eager to live in a post-nuclear la-la-land. Even today, the organs of paleo-liberal thought, in between bouts of cheerleading for Obama, are busy whitewashing the careers of Stalin apologists like I.F. Stone.
To some, the Senator’s jaw-dropping revisionist history is maddening. Not us: After so many bitter years of partisanship in Washington, isn’t it time to forge a phony consensus or two? We certainly think our country could use a few.
That’s why we hope, dear reader, that you’ll join us in supporting Senator Obama, the small-eared, nebulous visionary running for President. He’s the Seinfeld candidate, and–provided he remains sufficiently vague–he’s unstoppable.
(Note: The crack young staff normally “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently envisioning an “Obama for President” campaign commercial starring Jason Alexander and Michael Richards and dealing with the Senator’s controversial love for animals.)
