The Jihad Lobby

In the past year or so, dear reader, we in America have heard oodles and oodles about the so-called “Israel Lobby,” that nefariously capitalized entity with the pernicious agenda of supporting the Jewish state’s existence. In countless American magazines, newspapers, and television programs, we’ve witnessed myriad opponents of the dreaded “Jewish Lobby” (as it also called) argue that this evil network brooks no criticism.

On it’s own, dear reader, this is an odd contention: How many times can you see people criticize the “Israel Lobby” in mainstream news outlets and still believe that castigation of Israel is the third rail of American politics? Isn’t it far more likely that the anti-Zionist nutters are full of garbage? How often can someone say something before people will conclude that it is not, in fact, unspeakable?

Anyway, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” were reflecting upon these very questions when a thought occurred to us. Perhaps it would be useful if the benighted souls who believe that Israel shouldn’t be swept into the sea fought fire with fire. If the creepy folks with a scorching anti-Israel animus can have fun blathering on about the “Jewish Lobby,” why can’t their enemies give them a little taste of their medicine?

It is in this spirit, then, that we christen (if that is the mot juste) the term “Jihad Lobby.” A “Google” search suggests that this moniker has been employed in the recent past, but not nearly as often as we think it ought to be.

It’s just perfect: Anytime you hear someone bitch about the “Israel Lobby,” all you must do is reply: “Of course, you’d say that: You’re from the Jihad Lobby.” Then you’d merely inform him that you capitalize both the “J” and “L,” which makes his enigmatic organization seem all the more devious. For added affect, perhaps you’d want to throw in a “How do you like ‘dem apples?”

Naturally, those who wholeheartedly back the Jihad Lobby will gainsay its existence. You know, peace- and freedom-loving folks like the Council on Islamic American Relations (CAIR), with its curious ties to terrorism and extremism. But, to anyone outside its clutches, this disgraceful Lobby most assuredly exists.

In fact, American proponents of the Jihad Lobby aim drastically to alter America’s foreign policy in favor of regimes and organizations that harbor great hostility to the United States–Iran, Syria, al Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Taliban, and Alec Baldwin. We don’t mean to bring up the notion of dual loyalties (as our pals in the Jihad Lobby are so often wont), but doesn’t it seem as if these folks aren’t looking out for our best interests?

No wonder the hysterical jeremiads of the Jihad Lobby appear so nonsensical to the millions of Americans who make up the powerful Gentile Lobby: They aim to highjack US foreign policy in the service of its enemies. A tough sell, that.

(Note: The crack young staff normally “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently wondering how Israel, with its vastly superior military, has quizzically failed to enact the “genocide” of the Palestinians with which the Jihad Lobby incessantly charge it. After all, it’s been over 50 years and there are more Palestinians today than ever before. Odd, eh?)

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