In the most recent “post” on our humble “weblog,” dear reader, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” discussed an outfit called the Peace and Justice Center of Sonoma County. This confab is what everyone but Eric Alterman would call part of the extreme Left: Its “website” details the group’s support for such fringe causes as disbanding the American military and impeaching President Bush.
As we noted in our earlier “post,” all of this has left us wondering: Do the loveable loons who make up the Peace and Justice Center of Sonoma County actually believe this stuff? Not, we should add, the bit about impeaching Bush; we certainly understand why our lefty pals would want the President chucked from office.
But this “let’s get rid of the US military” business, we think, is simply too crazy to be believed. Sure, Kim Jong-il and Hezbollah pine for the downfall of American armed forces, since it would allow them freer rein than they currently enjoy. But could anyone earnestly hoping for peace conclude that the world would be a Valhalla without the US military? If you ask us, that conclusion requires such an unbelievable level of stupidity that, quite frankly, we simply aren’t sure it exists.
Perhaps, we thought, the folks who churn out this kind of nonsense aren’t really interested in politics in an intellectual sense. Maybe, just maybe, they get some sort of catharsis from sticking to odiously extreme positions. This brand of nuttery could pay emotional dividends.
In order to test our proposition, we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” decided to compose our own lefty rant. This way, we can track the degree to which writing this sort of palaver makes us feel all tingly inside.
Without any further ado, then, we proudly offer the following witless jeremiad:
“The US and Israel: A Portrait of Evil” by the Crack Young Staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly
As all true patriots know, the Cheney-Bush junta must be stopped. Even before the CIA and Israel’s Mossad masterminded the 9/11 attacks, Bush and his fascist minions aimed at world domination. Simply put, the evils of the Bush cabal make one positively pine for the comparatively pacific rule of Genghis Khan.
By failing to sign the Kyoto Protocol, the Bush regime sent the world a clear message: We will kill you all. Now, this second coming of Hitler has fooled the American populace into supporting the illegal occupation of two once-glorious sovereign nations: Afghanistan and Iraq.
Political outfits like Fox News (where Zionist Anglo-Saxon oppressors get their daily fix of propaganda) may not admit as much, but all right-thinking critics realize it: Both Afghanistan under the Taliban and Iraq under Saddam Hussein were peaceful democracies with glorious records of human rights.
Unlike our current Commander-in-Chief, Saddam Hussein actually won his country’s vote. He was elected, not selected by a cabal of Zionist Supreme Court justices.
But, since Halliburton needed more blood for oil, Cheney cooked up an illegal invasion. He was helped, of course, by the Nazi Jews who run the American government in the name of Israel, as is asserted by famous foreign policy professors at Harvard and the University of Chicago, as well as by David Duke.
It is high time that the American people–in the spirit of great humanitarians like Mumia Abu-Jamal–resist the Bush junta and its maniacal machinations. Together, we can stop this spawn of evil and let the good-natured, considerate feminist leaders of Hamas and al Qaeda bring peace to the world.
To this end, this Sunday, those who desire peace and freedom will meet up in the parking lot of the food co-op at 7pm. We will read poetry, sing songs, and burn incense. That’ll show the capitalist oppressors!
We have to admit it, dear reader: That felt kind of good.
(Note: The crack young staff normally “weblog” over at “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” where they are currently attempting to run over Cat Stevens with a peace train.)