RedState is having a contest, but it is only open for 24 hours and it started this afternoon. A prize will be awarded to the reader who best articulates the best reasons to vote Republican. I think many will come in well under 100 words, with “Speaker Pelosi” or “Majority Leader Reid,” but others will, no doubt, include references to tax policy and national security. Check out the entries, or add your own, in the comments at RedState.
Update: Check out winner Liz Mair’s entry at Red State!
VOTE REPUBLICAN
IF;
You are a Multinational Corporation.
You hate animals.
You are pro-liberty and against a womens right to choose.
You are pro-life and support the death penalty.
You want private corporations to make policy.
You think it would be neat to be an Orwellian novel character in real life.
You believe some people are more equal then others.
You like tax cuts that your kids get to pay for.
You think Paris Hilton needs a tax break.
You think Jesus is for War and accumulated wealth.
Your favorite character from “It’s a Wonderful Life” is Mr. Potter.
You can’t stand the Middle Class.
You like Aristocracy
You think the world is 6,000 years old.
You’re Pro-Torture.
Global warming doesn’t concern you.
You are very afraid.
You favorite colors are Black and White.
You think machines are a good way to vote.
You like authoritarian government.
You do better when people decide for you.
–
So many reasons….I’ll need to shorten it.
Why We Should Vote Republican-By Field Negro.
First, we should vote republican because the republican party. is the party of Lincoln, and Lincoln freed the slaves. And if Honest Abe did not free the slaves, a negro like me would not be able to vote in the upcoming elections.
Second, we should vote republican, because they offer us tax cuts, and allow us to use our own money to do what we want to with it.
Third, we should vote republican, because it is the party of self reliance and pulling our selves up. It rewards the individual, and not the collective.
Fourth, the republicans are against the taking of a human life, homosexuals marrying, and activist judges. They are for protecting our children, and upholding the high moral standards we have set for ourselves in this country.
Finally, we should all vote republican because republicans support the war in Iraq, and we need to stand up to to Sadaam and the insurgents before we have another 911 on our hands.
Sorry, I think I went over 100 words, but how did I do?
VOTE DEMOCRAT
IF:
You are a brain dead utter moron like muirgeo.
You are morally bankrupt and without any useful ideas like muirgeo.
You wouldn’t know the truth if it fell on you like the World Trade Center…like muirgeo.
You are a complete asshat like muirgeo.
You….what’s that?
Ooops! Sorry, wrong contest!
No bang’s bigger than negative bang.
Nicely done, field negro, you convinced me.
Come on, muirgeo, drink the kool-aid. You’re be rewarded with a low paying service sector job without health insurance.
What have you got to lose besides your dignity and self-respect. Heck – don’t you know there’s a war on!!
The Democrat platform for 2006 – 2008:
(1)To insure that Mark Foley isn’t re-elected
(2) (there’s no two but only having one issue would be silly)
[the end]
Why to vote Republican:
Obedience to KKKarl Rove mind control
Why to vote Democrat:
Death wish
My entry:–
“An American voting for Democrats is like a Bostonian rooting for the Yankees over the Red Sox.”
The job is not done. Staying home on election day is a vote to
Yeah, the GOP hasn’t exactly been hitting on all cylinders on these, but it sure ain’t gonna be better if the Dems are put in charge. Staying at home on election day is as good as a vote for the worst possible candidate.
VOTE DEMOCRATIC
IF:
You are a living person.
You believe in government OF, BY and FOR the PEOPLE
You support the Constitution.
You believe in a balanced budget.
You don’t want to be a Serf
You think Jesus was for Peace and helping the poor.
Your favorite character from “It’s a Wonderful Life” is George Baily.
You believe the rich should not undermine democracy.
You like Science.
You think facts are a good thing.
You like open government.
You like paper ballots.
You are rational.
You understand nuances and shades of grey
“Yeah, the GOP hasn’t exactly been hitting on all cylinders on these, but it sure ain’t gonna be better if the Dems are put in charge.”
If only that would fit on a bumper sticker!
As you listen to Nancy Pelosi promise to clean up what she calls a “swamp” of congressional problems, remember the following facts from her record:
1. Pelosi voted three times to make a convicted page sexual predator, former Congressman Gerry Studds (D-Mass.), chair of a congressional committee.
2. In 1990, Pelosi voted against censuring Barney Frank for having his live-in boyfriend run a prostitution ring from Frank’s apartment.
3. Pelosi raised no objections when Clinton pardoned Democrat Congressman Mel Reynolds (Ill.) who had been convicted of felonies for having had sex with a 16-year-old campaign worker.
The historic Nancy Pelosi is an authentic representative of San Francisco liberal values and hardly has the record to lecture anyone on cleaning up the Congress.
Did anyone else stop reading and start laughing at “you hate animals”? I’m pretty sure that’s way high up on most Republicans’ lists.
Vote Republican and we will jail Muirego and Lee, and lock them up with similar people–the delusional, the insipid, the incapable of perspective or rational thought. They will all die vainly trying to act more humble than the other guy in their cell, and they will then perish from the inability to decide who goes first at the mess hall.
Lee; that wet spot on your keyboard is probably from the sarcasm dripping from my computer 🙂
I wouldn’t vote for any of these rethuglican clowns if my life depended on it. And I know that they want me to believe that it does, but sorry, I will quote a great American, and the father of J.C. Watts no less: Me -a black man- voting for a republican, would be like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders. Seriously, my only regret is that I have but one vote to give to the dems.
Rick Sanitarium wouldn’t get my vote if he personally came to my house and gave me a check for what he spends on one of those T.V. spots here in Philly. Well…..maybe if he stood and watched me he would, cause I sure would take the check 😉 Because as they young bucks say in the hood: “He is spending some long dollars”. And if I voted 100,000 times for him it wouldn’t help him. Heck, I can already see the L on his forehead.
Vote Republican – If it not broken don’t fix it!
My entry:
Because, for the next two years, it would be so much less painful – in so many ways – listening to the Democrats moan that yet another stolen election had kept them from pushing through their agenda than the pain we would suffer if they actually had the power to carry out their threats.
Field Negro: I knew that. I guess I was just caught up in the inspirational messages on this thread.
Messages like “Vote Republican – If it not broken don’t fix it!”
See, now that one will fit on a bumper sticker, and it’s got a real nice ring to it.
Man, you guys are on fire.
Do you want to live a few more years, or do you want a monument ao people will remember your death?
Some of us will be sitting out here in the country saying, You people are really stupid, a dip-shit administration that was more interested in a BJ than national defense got 3,000 killed and you put his clone in office to repeat the process, only this time it was 300,000 +. We’ll be here to say “told you so”. We won’t hate like the democrats because that only drives the hater crazy. We’ll just calmly say, ‘we told you so’. Oh, and we won’t attend the funerals of your family members.
Will the fact that the democrats knew about Foley’s folley and kept it under wraps for political purposes hurt the democrats in Nov? Yep, it will. Couple more days and the news will spread, without the left wing dimwit press.
VOTE DEMOCRAT
IF;
You are a trial lawyer.
You love animals more than people.
You are pro-liberty and against the right to bear arms.
You are “pro-choice” and for socialized medicine.
You want trial lawyers to make policy.
You think it would be neat to be an Orwellian novel character in real life.
You believe some people are more equal then others.
You think higher taxes are good for the economy.
You think Jesus was “pro-choice”.
Your think “American Idiot” is trenchant social commentary.
You can’t stand the Middle Class.
You like the rule of “enlightened” socialist elites.
You think Christianity is more dangerous than radical Islam.
You think George W. Bush is a greater threat to world peace than Kim Jong Ill, Dinner Jacket and Hugo the Thug With An Oil Well combined.
You favorite color is Soviet gray.
You think people have the right to vote for those who know what’s best for them.
You like authoritarian government.
You do better when people decide for you.
–
Vote Republican because;
We will be taxed a little less.
We will spend a little less.
We will be substantially more safe.
A Supreme Court vacancy might occur.
We will slow our eventual decline to socialisim
Mostly though; because maybe some of those cry-baby nutjobs like Muirgeo will actually leave for Canada or France like they have been “promising” for the last several elections.
feild-negro, voting Democrat because you are female, or a racial minority, or gay or a member of some other group that they claim to represent is a terrible reason. For god’s sake at least vote for them because you think they’re right about domestic policy or something.
I get just a little bit of that “you ought to be a Democrat” thing because I’m female, as though boobs define how I should view foreign policy or economic issues. It’s gotten so I can almost count on being on the opposite of anything presented as “women’s issues.” The million mom march thing pissed me off, as though my reproductive success was supposed to determine how I felt about gun control?
What *exactly* about being black determines one’s views on economic policy? What about being gay determines one’s views on international relations?
What about being female determines one’s beliefs about social issues?
I’d really like to know.
As for the contest. “Vote Republican. We’re going to have to be on them like mud on a pig, but this isn’t the time or place to give them the smack down they deserve.”
Vote republican if for no other reason then to cram it down the throats of every pablum puking vile indescent unthinkable liberal who frequents this site much to often. Like Lee, Mundaneeggo,Crack44 and so on..
Then us rational people can laugh at their feebleness til the next election cycle
Oooopps I forgot one!
IT’S THE ECONOMY STUPID!
Vote Republican because the Democrat plan for national security reads like a suicide note.
So how come the troll muirgeo gets first comment? Kos kids assign an operative to tweak us up a bit?
Anyhow, let me do a fisking: (and damn you JB for doing a better one then me)
You are a Multinational Corporation.
I am. At least my wife, I and 2 kids are. Under various right wing regimes even small fry like us can do business in three countries, Canada, USA and Mexico. Commercial freedom is worth a lot to me and I know what liberals will do. They’ll break me with regulations and taxes.
You hate animals.
I don’t, unless cooked badly.
You are pro-liberty and against a womens right to choose.
Only children and liberals cannot distinguish between liberty and licence. And you need a possessive apostrophe. Understanding the plural would help too.
You are pro-life and support the death penalty.
Bad news chump, lots of Rethuglican right wing murdering bastards are against the death penalty, including me. We on the right often have intellectual, moral and civilized debate about it too.
You want private corporations to make policy.
You are a complete looney. Name one, just one, policy ‘made’ by a private corporation.
You think it would be neat to be an Orwellian novel character in real life.
You got me there. Napoleon the pig always appealed to me, because….
You believe some people are more equal then others.
I do, I do. For instance, I believe you are mentally equal to a sack of hammers. We say that in Canada – what do you say in the USA?
You like tax cuts that your kids get to pay for.
Economic illiterate. You lefties just cannot accept the “laugher” curve, can ya. Har. Har. Har. Your post comes out just as the US announces a deficit much lower than Bushitler McChimpy predicted. Rots your privates, what?
You think Paris Hilton needs a tax break.
I am smitten so would give her anything, including your arse.
You think Jesus is for War and accumulated wealth.
Buzz, buzz, cognitive dissonance. Right wing Jesus crazy bible thumpers give more to charity and do more good works that leftoids who think charity is forcing the rest of us to pay for their dreams. Many Jesus crazy communities are dirt poor. Think Amish, Mennonites. Call me when you have done anything like the Mennonite Central Committee. Do you even know what that is?
Your favorite character from “It’s a Wonderful Life” is Mr. Potter.
I mostly read books and haven’t a clue of whom you speak. I see that liberals still get their higher learning from movies and TV. Is Bartlett still president in your dream world?
You can’t stand the Middle Class.
True. And? I can’t stand anyone. Are you German? What is Mit Der Kapital Letters?
You like Aristocracy
I do. What’s not to like. Crazy rich people. Did you mean I like an aristocratic system? Say what you mean sonny boy or post at Kos.
You think the world is 6,000 years old.
I do. At least. Did you mean ‘not more than 6,000 years old”? Ditto on precision of expression. Further, the right wing is not all Jesus crazy bible thumpers ya know. But I’d take a billion of them over you.
You’re Pro-Torture.
Only for you.
Global warming doesn’t concern you.
I live in Canada you self centred idiot. I welcome global warming; I embrace it. What you got against Canadians, Siberians, Northern Chinese, Tibetans (Free Tibet!!!(get a bumper sticker but do fuck-all else!)) Argentineans, Chileans et al., not to mention those in North Dakota, Montana, Alaska u. s. w? Do you even know what u. s. w means? Betcha don’t.
You are very afraid.
Uhhhh… no. I’m also a multiple gun owner.
You favorite colors are Black and White.
Very clever and silly horse puckey at the same time.
You think machines are a good way to vote.
Not if they’re administered by Liberals, the greatest election fraudsters of all time.
You like authoritarian government.
Not very clever given that the only really authoritarian governments worth talking about were National Socialist and Communist. Oh wait a minute, you mean commies were Nazis? Oh dear.
You do better when people decide for you.
Jesus H. Christ you are hopeless with language, aren’t you? I know you mean ‘other’ people, but why not say so? The left is so slovenly and stupid.
Vote Repulican if you are pro-America, and you do not suffer BDS. Muirego, Leah, Hugh, Brian, Field African American, and Barney are the best reasons I can think of to vote Republican. If you are honest and capable of conscious thought, are capable of long term memory. You are sure to vote republican. All others should abstain.
Man, that guy that posted before my last post sure poured a load of shit on those idiots on the left. Muirego, I knew you are an idiot, but it seems to be common knowledge.
I am a conservative. I vote republican because I love this country. I believe we generally try to do what is just and right. Because I love this country, I want Judges that will abide with the law and not make law or borrow from other countries. I vote republican because I believe there is good and evil and if America doesn’t overcome it, there won’t be a future for any country, let alone my children’s future. I vote republican because I believe Abortion and Marriage Are State Issues Not the Federal Goverment. I am a conservative, I get it. I’m voting for America.
As you listen to Nancy Pelosi promise to clean up what she calls a “swamp” of congressional problems, remember the following facts from her record:
1. Pelosi voted three times to make a convicted page sexual predator, former Congressman Gerry Studds (D-Mass.), chair of a congressional committee.
Posted by: Mitchell
In what court and with what charge was Studds convicted of???
Vote Republican – If it not broken don’t fix it!
Posted by: Bert Adams
Now THERE’S a bumper sticker.
Vote Republican- if iT knot bRokE dun’T fixs iT.
The contest is at Red State.
What *exactly* about being black determines one’s views on economic policy?
Posted by: Synova
Um can’t imagine???/
http://www.margaretmedia.com/katrina/images/overpass-prisoners-lg.jpg
Hey jhow66! We finally found someone qualified to dumber than you.
(I call this a FauxLinkBack – watch, soon all the cool bloggers will doing this, but you saw here first.)
(personally, I think “…tweak us up a bit.” is even cooler)
Oooopps I forgot one!
IT’S THE ECONOMY STUPID!
Posted by: 914
Ewe I think that’s a Clinton catch phrase. But anyway lets see what Forbes magazine has to say about presidents and the economy.
http://www.forbes.com/home/commerce/2004/07/20/cx_da_0720presidents.html
Good to know “the man is out to keep you down, brother” still works. It doesn’t get us any closer to equality or promote a robust economy or create jobs but… it works.
I’ve heard socialism and welfare presented as a female issue because women often need to be taken care of. I prefer policies that address causes rather than effects.
You want private corporations to make policy.
You are a complete looney. Name one, just one, policy ‘made’ by a private corporation.
Posted by: BlacquesJacquesShellacques
I can’t think of much…just the Iraq war, the Medicare drug Bill, Our Global Warming Policy, Our energy Policy, the Bankruptcy Bill, The Communications Acts……
Seriously you are a damn fool if you don’t understand that Senators attend to lobbyist completely ignoring the people. A low end lobbyist in DC makes $250,000…..Do you really think he is paid that to represent people or corporations.?….Seriously you’re a damn fool.
Now linking policy to your ignorance of our accumulated debt you should be aware of the true debt numbers now that you should understand what and who is fisking the American tax payer.
DEBT
Debt numbers using the REAL NUMBERS as Scarp properly suggest.
Clinton
Year Billion
94 $282
95 $281
96 $251
97 $189
98 $113
99 $130
00 $ 18
01 $133
Bush
02 $421
03 $555
04 $600
05 $554
06 $616
TOTAL Clinton debt in 8 years; $1.4 trillion
TOTAL Bush debt (to date) $2.7 trillion
If you are honest and capable of conscious thought, are capable of long term memory. You are sure to vote republican. All others should abstain.
Posted by: Zelsdorf Ragshaft III
Why? Anyone with a good view of the long term will remember The Great Depression that occurred the last time the Republicans were in charge for any length of time. Then they will remember how FDR and the democrats elevated us out of the depression giving rise to the strongest middle class ever and the best decades our country has ever seen…of course after finishing WW2 in less time then we’ve been in Iraq.
Because if you’re white you get a choice. You can be a communist or a social democrat or a capitalist of some degree… whatever you want. You can believe that corporations are the enemy and that Walmart is the source of untold suffering and that it’s the job of government to make sure no one has too much and no one has to little. You can believe that corporations create jobs and policies that hurt corporations can hurt workers just as much, that capitalism isn’t perfect but provides greater opportunity and mobility than any other system. You can be right and you can be wrong and you can have a difference of opinion if you’re white.
If you’re black, you have to agree with Democratic economic policy.
I’m glad I’m not black. They try to pull that crap because I’m a woman but I told them where to stick it.
I’m glad I’m not black. They try to pull that crap because I’m a woman but I told them where to stick it.
Posted by: Synova
But of course if you were born to a single teen age black girl it wouldn’t matter because you would still be you and you would succeed because you are better then the typical baby black girl who is born into such circumstances.
Giving that baby girl formula, Head Start, good schools ect doesn’t matter because its her fault if she looks all around her at the drugs, and the shootings and has no father…that’s HER fault and of no responsibility to people like you because if you where her you’d know exactly what to do to get out of her situation….the fact that she can’t figure it out and goes on to have a baby in her teens is her fault….so yeah I think you’re wrong cus it wouldn’t matter if you were black…you…because your special…would succeed.
Regarding It’s the economy stupid!
Check out this site periodically over the next few months;
http://www.foreclosure.com/
muirgeo, darling. You don’t have a clue about my childhood. You don’t have a clue about the economy of the region where I was born. You have no idea what welfare programs my parents did or didn’t qualify for and which ones they accepted and which they refused. You have no idea of the economic realities of the community I was born into. You only know that I said I was white.
What does that say about you?
Liberals like to paint conservatives as wealthy people who think poor people deserve what they get. People who were never in dire economic situations they had no control over. I have to admit that it sells real well. “We care.”
And mostly it’s rich white folks saying it. “We care.” And they make sure that everyone knows how much they “care”. It doesn’t matter that the things they do don’t actually help, or sometimes even make things worse. They’ve got the moral high ground because they “care”.
What *effectively* breaks the cycle of poverty and teen-pregnancy for children of *any* race?
You think there is only one answer to that question? Do you think it’s primarily an economic question?
Last election there was a lot of talk about poor people voting “against their economic interests” when they voted Republican. Did it never occur to the people saying that that maybe those voters had a different idea about what their economic interest was?
Because Democrats suck.
There. If anyone would like to have any of my remaining 97 words, have it.
Judges
Vote Democrat: Our secret plan with fix everything
“I vote republican because I believe there is good and evil and if America doesn’t overcome it, there won’t be a future for any country, let alone my children’s future. I vote republican because I believe Abortion and Marriage Are State Issues Not the Federal Goverment. I am a conservative, I get it. I’m voting for America.”
And let me guess, America is good and other countries are evil after all, we were founded on christian principals right? So you have children and you are STILL voting republican? Oh that’s right, there is no draft, so you don’t have to worry about YOUR kids going to war. And you believe marriage, and abortion, and slavery are state issues…oh, i’m sorry, did I misquote you? I hope not, I mean that is what you were thinking right? Because I know how you repubs feel about state’s rights.I am a human being get it, I am voting for the party that views me as such.
“You are very afraid.
Uhhhh… no. I’m also a multiple gun owner.”
Typical repub, when they can’t beat you with logic or reason, they try to intimidate you! Hey, anytime you feel like taking the drive up 95 Mr. Republican gun owner. I will be glad to e-mail you my address so you will know where to find me 😉
That chattering you hear is me shaking in my boots!
Hey muirgeo:
VOTE DEMOCRATIC
IF:
You are a living person. Which you wouldn’t be if you were aborted, which we support.
You believe in government OF, BY and FOR the PEOPLE. In fact, just let the government do everything for you, you know. . . like Communism.
You support the Constitution. So much, you like to add parts to it that protect non-American illegals and terrorists.
You believe in a balanced budget. But you don’t know how to get there (Give me a PLAN)
You don’t want to be a Serf Okay, I don’t know what this is. . .
You think Jesus was for Peace and helping the poor. But you can’t say so, because we don’t want any public displays of Jesus, 10 Commandments, the word ‘CHRISTmas’, etc.
Your favorite character from “It’s a Wonderful Life” is George Baily. Because he should be supported by all members of the town. . . like socialism.
You believe the rich should not undermine democracy. But don’t mention that the Bush administration has brought down more corporate corruption than any other administration in recent history.
You like Science. As long as it supports Global Warming, otherwise, we don’t want to hear it.
You think facts are a good thing. To ignore.
You like open government. Replace ‘open’ with ‘big’.
You like paper ballots. Because you’re too dumb to use a computer.
You are rational. Except when it comes to debate.
You understand nuances and shades of grey. Which is why we should all be grey. Let’s bring everyone DOWN to the lowest common denominator, instead of bringing folks up.
My favorite character in “It’s a Wonderful Life” is Mrs. Bailey. I’ve always thought Donna Reed was hot!
Vote Democrat if:
You think all the corporate owned media, including the NY Times, is way too easy on the Bush administration.
You think Alec Baldwin would make a great husband to your daughter.