It’s Friday, which means it’s time for the Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™. Enter your best caption for the following picture:
Winners will be announced Sunday.
Update: Winners announced. Previous winners here and here. The contest is now closed.
Wizbang Weekend Caption Contest™
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Kevin
Kevin founded Wizbang in 2003. He still contributes occasionally and handles all the technical and design work for the site.
“I once opened my mouth…ahhh…about this wide.”
Chicken Little And “The Sky Has Fallen Singers.”
“Y’all see, my real mistake was thinking that inbred backward-assed redneck country fans who lap up that Toby Keith ‘I love America’ bullsh*t actually believed in the First Amendment. Gosh, y’all can imagine my surprise when I found out they’re just a bunch of closed-minded boot-stomping gravy-chugging flag-waving retards. My bad.”
Maines Announces Choice of Halloween Costume as ‘French Maid’
(or is that french-made)
Actually my penis was this long but of course that was before the surgery.
Well, if y’all think it smells like fish now, y’all gotta check out our tour bus!! This ain’t nothin’!
“Damn, y’all, when I exercised my First Amendment rights I didn’t think that gave you the right to do it too! My bad…”
Stupid Girl(s)
And that’s how Ann Coulter pulled a “Sharon Stone”!
The Dixie Chicks leave America, tour France and participate in a left wing talk show–simultaneously raising the average IQ of all three locations.
“Maybe I am dumber than a box of rocks, but like, the box is *this* big!”
“…and we’ll call our next album The Aristocrats”
“We’ve decided to change our name from the Dixie Chicks to the Yankee Yutz”*
* Yutz: This is from the Yiddish, it means ditz, clutz, dumkoft, ninny, nincompoop, socially incompetant boob, twit, dumbass.
Wide Open Spaces
I don’t know what I’m talking about
After I left home, I always struck out
To find a brain and a life of my own
My head’s in the clouds, cause I’m always stoned
Many precede and many will follow
This young girl’s dream is still hollow
It takes the shape of a left nutfest
But what it holds for her, she hasn’t yet guessed
[Chorus:]
She has wide open spaces
Between her ears – it’s a big mistake
She needs new brain cells
She thinks that telling lies sells
She traveled down this road as a child
Wide eyed and grinning, she never tired
But now she won’t be coming back with the rest
If these are life’s lessons, she’ll take this test
As her folks drive away, her dad yells, “It’s all about oil!”
Mom stares out the window and says, “You’re an idiot girl”
She said, “It didn’t seem like that long ago”
When she stood there and let her own bias show
[Chorus:]
She has wide open spaces
Between her ears – it’s a big mistake
She needs new brain cells
She thinks that telling lies sells
“I’ll badmouth the President in whatever country I want to but I’m too CHICKen to do so in my own.”
“I can’t believe we let Natalie “Satan’s angel” take us down” Our souls are dying:)
The Three Chix From the Hix: Just Shut Up!
“Three blind mice! Three blind mice!”
“I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!”
Chicks nix hick tix!
http://www.usatoday.com/life/music/news/2006-08-07-dixie-chicks_x.htm
The Dixie Chicks now understand how it feels to have your career ruined by one person.
I got sumpin’ to say and, darnit, ya’ll just gotta listen.
3 blind mice aptly named dumb stupid and clueless.
Shit, Stink, and The Fly.
“Today on our show, we continue the controversial practice of posting the guests’ IQ’s on the wall behind them.”
“…and so Nancy Pelosi was all: ‘Wal-Mart doesn’t care about the middle class‘ and pissin’ all over them and I’m thinkin’ to myself: sheeyut girl, that don’t sound like a very smart political strategy for the Democrats.
I mean runnin’ down something that’s real popular with your fan base; is that smart marketin’ ?
“We’ve had a career this long! That doesn’t look like much y’all, but y’all break it down in to tiny little micro-whatevers…. and you get a whooooole laaattta career y’all…..yeeeeehaaaawwww!!!!!
“Maybe if I cross my fingers AND my legs this time…. people are’nt going to think I’m stupid for what I am about to say”
So Dorothy and the Tinwench here tell the Wizard I was there for, like, a brain, but I told him I’d be happier with a life-like rubber phallus about so long…
Our publicist told me to keep my legs tightly crossed lest I continue talking out of my ass.
Oh sure, bashing the president may have cost us our loyal fans in America but our following in Tehran and Pyongyang has never been stronger.
Don’t let my bandmates’ body language fool you, they simply adore it when I shoot off my big, fat yap.
An excerpt from the yet-to-be-published 2008 Edition of The Guinness Book of World Records:
“The Dixie Chicks became the biggest failures in the entertainment industry when they turned their concerts into the on-stage version of Air America. The new concert format was so bad that not even Al Franken would buy a concert ticket.”
We never felt like excercising our First Amendment rights would affect our ability to sell records, because when you want off-key caterwalling where else are you going to go?
Like, the “right” [quote gesture] to be heard is right there in the Bill of the Constitution. So, like, if you’re not smart enough to know that, you don’t have to.
I’ve pissed off half the country and flushed our careers down the toilet by bashing President Bush. What else does a girl have to do to get asked on a date by Keith Olbermann? Have a dick this big?
This is where my MUTE button comes in handy.
And now we present the CBS Movie of the Week
Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer
“I am the dick in Dixie Chicks.”
Still ‘Not Ready to Make Nice’
Natalie had scarcely finished referring to Reba McIntire’s talent in “scare quotes” when the set and the Dixie Chicks were flattened by a dozen monster trucks, two Hummers, and a road-grader.
The Music City News gave the performance four stars.
Maine cocktails with Natalie..
The Maine in Spain stays mostly on the wang..
Dumb & Dumber & Dumberer
Update: Winners announced. Previous winners here and here. The contest is now closed.