It’s not been a great week for me.
Last Sunday, I was driving to work when I got caught in a flash-flooded street. That morning, I discovered that while the mighty Shaggin’ Wagon can withstand many things, but 10″ of fast-running water ain’t one of them. A good slug of water went straight down the air intake and into the engine, and the bull was dead. Apparently water doesn’t compress well, and a good portion of the bull’s heart’s moving parts got bent out of shape — quite literally.
Given the choice between scrounging up $2,000 for a new engine or an entirely different car I could pay off over time, I bit the bullet and sent the Shaggin’ Wagon on to a better place.
Now, Mr. Duckie has a new home. I was concerned about my manly reputation, as fostered by my bold choice of a white Taurus station wagon, so I chose carefully.
And what could be more studly, more fitting to my reputation as a swordsman, than a car named after a sword?
Hence my choice of new wheels: a goldish-tan 1995 Buick LeSabre with barely 70,000 miles on the clock.
My friend Candy suggested I take nominations for a name. Her suggestion, “The Old Fart Cart,” is NOT much to my liking. Unlike the Shaggin’ Wagon, nothing readily springs to my mind for this one. It has one drawback: the directionals are very, very quiet. Within the first 10 minutes of the test drive, I found myself fulfilling the stereotype by going about 3 miles with the left blinker going and going and going…
It came with a rather hefty debt burden, along with the expenses involved in pronouncing the Shaggin’ Wagon DOA (Dead On Aspiration of water). So I’m putting in a LOT of extra hours at work, piling on the bucks to get my own head figuratively above water.
And I will NOT be driving down that street in heavy rain again.
Wish me luck, folks.
The Sword and Bored?
Chitty Chitty Wizbang?
Uh…let’s see…
Buick le Flavor
or just
Sabre Flave (yeah, boyeeee!)
Buick Le “Gay” Sabre (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
Johnny LeSabre (WKRP too old school?)
Labor Sabre (ironic)
And if you just want to keep continuity with the “Shaggin’ Wagon”, I vote for
Booty Sabre!
In Jay Tea’s case, I vote for Labor Sabre. I’d guess he’d agree.
Did I just hear the faint sound of Taps?
Phoenix?
The Nostromo?
ha ha a..thats funny!
Light Sabre?
The Posidon LaSabre.
Better check my spelling.
Poseidon LaSabre.
Damocles?
or maybe:
Damn ol’ Lees?
Das Boot?
Sabre of Truth?
ForeDore?
Condolences on the death in your family, Jay. To lose a loved one so young… Truth be told, I was never that partial to the “Shaggin’ Wagon” moniker. How about calling this one “Golden Oldie”
Sadly, the MSM will ignore this since he’s a Donk. They’ll be busy this week with a week-long Bush bashing orgy. Expect Anderson Cooper to lead the charge.
I am not creative enough to come up with one on my own, but I would like to cast my vote in support of Chitty Chitty Wizbang. I love that movie and the name is catchy.
Ms. Byrd,
Thank you for the vote and the kind words.
eman
“The Old Fart Cart”
Candy, that gets my vote just for the sheer humor of it! But I’m with Jay, it’s not really how one wants to refer one’s wheels.
I’ll toss in a few:
WheelyBeast
Darth LaSabre
DuckieMobile
LaQuack
Goldmember (apologies to Austin Powers…)
The Enlarged Prostate
The Hip Replacement
The Antediluvian Falcon
My vote’s on Durandal, originally from the tales of Roland. It was also one of the AIs (the rogue one) in the storyline from the Marathon video game series by Bungie, for the Mac-geeks among us.