Burglars should be choosers

There are times when I’ve gotta go out and have fun at someone else’s expense…

But I just can’t do it like this guy. (NSFW for language, but damned funny)

Instead, I just sit back and laugh as other people do all the heavy lifting in making themselves look stupid.

Especially dumb criminals.

Most especially dumb criminals.

And right now, I need those good laughs. Fortunately, I found two great ones in the papers today.

I’ve never really ventured into the field of crime, but it seems to me that one of the most important elements of commiting crimes has to be properly choosing your victims. The ideal victim is not only one that won’t fight back, but won’t go to the authorities. A little homework up front in this will save the average crook a lot of time in the long run — a long run that might end up being spent behind bars.

For example, if you’re going on a car-robbing spree, choose your area carefully. Find a poorly-lit and little-travelled area, where the chances of being caught in the act are slim.

I would NOT recommend you start in the parking lot of the city jail.

But their stupidity quite possibly pales next to that of a couple of Boston-area burglars. They broke into a cheese shop in Boston’s North End and stole the cash register.

Had they done a little asking around, they would have known that Fresh Cheese was owned by a fellow by the name of Carmen Salvatore DiNunzio, a convicted gangster who is the reputed underboss of the New England mob.

Of course the New England mob itself isn’t what it used to be. At its peak, the Winter Hill Gang — the leader of the “Irish Mafia” — ran Boston to the point where the local FBI branch itself was a wholly owned and operated subsidiary. But ever since James “Whitey” Bulger got a tip from his Fed buddies that his indictment was pending and fled back in 1995, they really haven’t been the same feared gang of thugs and brutes.

Still, I wouldn’t be surprised if the register mysteriously turned up, still with all its money intact. Perhaps with even a smidgen extra tossed in.

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  1. pennywit August 23, 2006
  2. P. Bunyan August 23, 2006
  3. Kevin Weeks August 23, 2006
  4. Mac Lorry August 23, 2006
  5. Dr No August 23, 2006
  6. Mac Lorry August 23, 2006