Does Chivas make a tequila?

Earlier today, I heard Ted Kennedy (the senile senior senator from the state of inebriation Massachusetts) addressed one of the illegal alien rallies. Ted had a translator on hand, who repeated his statements in Spanish. (Personally, I found both versions incomprehensible. He needs an English translator.)

My first thought was a bit of a cheap shot. Was it really a good idea to remind those of us who’ve followed the modern Falstaff for some time about how he was kicked out of Harvard for cheating, more specifically for paying someone to take a Spanish exam? That was why Ted spent a hitch in the Army back in the 50’s, and unlike his brothers didn’t serve as an officer.

But that started me thinking. It’s only natural that Ted supports the illegal aliens. There are so many ways he can identify with them:

  • The illegal aliens refuse to accept the responsibility for their illegal actions in entering this country in violation of the law, or overstaying their visas. Ted Kennedy refused to accept the responsibility for driving his car into the pond at Chappaquiddick, leaving a young woman to die.
  • Ted earned a bit of a “wetback” himself when he swam to shore and left Mary Jo to drown.
  • Too many illegal aliens can’t speak English. Ted has his own challenges in this area.
  • Illegal aliens cannot legally work in the United States. Ted Kennedy has never held a job in his life.
  • Illegal aliens are eager to partake of the benefits they did not earn. Ted Kennedy has been riding his family name and money for decades.

In retrospect, it should have been obvious. I should have seen it coming…

Update: I really should have refrained from the “wetback” comment above. The problem is that it’s damned near irresistible to avoid mentioning liquids when discussing Ted Kennedy, given his fondness for alcoholic beverages, his “blonde in the pond” history, and the fact that one of his dogs is named “Splash.” Teddy is waterlogged in so many ways…

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