A sorry excuse for an apology

Last week, something odd happened to my TV. Just like on “Friends,” when Joey and Chandler’s TV started getting free porn, my TV started letting me hear the thoughts of the people along with their words. It was fascinating.

For example, I happened to catch Representative Cynthia McKinney’s apology on the news. I had a hunch it would be worth saving, so I taped in on the VCR. Lemme show you what I sacrificed a hunk of Battlestar Galactica for:

First, what the rest of you heard:

“I am sorry that this misunderstanding happened at all, and I regret its escalation, and I apologize. There should not have been any physical contact in this incident.”

Now, I heard a slightly different take.

“I am sorry that this misunderstanding happened at all.”

If that goddamned cracker cop had just recognized WHO I AM, like he oughta, this never woulda happened.

“…and I regret its escalation.”
Just wait ’til those pigs see what happens to their budget by the time I’m done with them. NOBODY messes with ME.

“…and I apologize.”
I shoulda known they’d stick the biggest racist pig right in my way. He oughta know that those pins are for the OTHER 534 members. I don’t have to follow THEIR rules. I’m CYNTHIA MCKINNEY, BITCH!

“There should not have been any physical contact in this incident.”
If that goddamned pig hadn’t grabbed me by the arm, I wouldn’t have had to mess up my cell phone smacking him down. I bet he’s a Jew, too.

Unfortunately, like Chandler and Joey’s free porn, I made the mistake of turning off the TV, and the translations went away.

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Seriously, McKinney’s apology was positively Clintonesque. She didn’t apologize for her actions, only that there was a “misunderstanding.” She isn’t sorry for raising the race card, only “regrets it escalation.” And “thre should not have been any physical contact,” meaning that the officer who grabbed her arm was in the wrong.

True translation: “I’m sorry I got caught, but that cop was way, way out of line. I shouldn’t have had to smack him around for actually daring to enforce those stupid rules on ME. If I pretend that I’m sorry, can we just all just let this go so I can get back to my business?”

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